Initiating a ritual is often difficult, but maintaining it is relatively easy. Top athletes have rituals: they know that at specific hours during each day they are on the field, then in the gym, and then they stretch. For most of us, brushing our teeth at least twice a day is a ritual, and therefore does not require special powers of discipline. We need to take the same approach toward any change we want to introduce.
Ask yourself: What rituals would make you happier? What would you like to introduce to your life? It could be working out three times a week, meditating for fifteen minutes every morning, watching two movies a month, going on a date with your spouse on Tuesdays, pleasure reading for an hour every other day, and so on. Introduce no more than one or two rituals at a time and make sure they become a habit before you introduce new ones. As Tony Schwartz says, "blockquote>Incremental change is better than ambitious failure.... Success feeds ,on itself." According to research, it takes about 30 days to form a new ritual. After introducing a ritual, once a practice becomes a ritual, you can move on to the next one.
Here are a few rituals that I recommend:
* Each night, before going to bed, write down at least five things for which you are grateful--these can big or little. Write about a meal you had or your child, about a book you read or about friend you met.
* Exercise regularly. At least three times a week, spend 30 minutes or more in the gym, walking, or swimming.
* Simplify your life. Find quiet times for reflection, on your own writing in a journal, or with an intimate friend.
* Introduce social/family time. Have regular date nights with your partner or friends. Have family time, on a regular basis, as a ritual. If we don't actively put time aside, if we don't create a ritual, these things are often lost by the wayside.
Joan: Much better, thank you. At your lecture, you invited us to introduce one or two new rituals into our lives. I chose to meditate for 15 minutes a day. It's been nearly three weeks now and so far so good. I'm looking forward to having it settle in as a new habit so I can move on to the next item on the list. Your most recent book is Choose the Life You Want: The Mindful Way to Happiness. Despite knowing all you've learned and getting paid to teach others about it, at some point, you nevertheless found yourself burned out. Please share how you dealt with your situation and how what you discovered propelled you to write this book.
Tal: What I realized when I felt burned out and exhausted, and reluctant to go and teach, was that I actually had a choice. I could focus on why I teach, and the privilege of teaching, and within a few seconds, my mindset changed and so did my body-set. My energy levels increased. While I still needed a break--and did take one after my lecture--the change in focus gave me much-needed extra fuel.
Joan: While it's true that in many small ways we often have choices, it's also true that in many other choices, some of them quite major, we have less choice. How does one extrapolate from your example to how we lead our lives?
Tal: I am a big proponent of the Serenity Prayer, which is about finding the wisdom to know the difference--between the choices we have, and the situations that are out of our control. Additionally, I'm a big proponent of trying--and if we fail, we learn.
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