Doozy: And here's the pitch. Smarmey swings, and (crack!!!!) Oh-h-h that looks like it hurt! The Blue Streaks' catcher and team captain, Burney Frink looks like he was hit in the back of the head with something really hard. What do you suppose it was, Kneel?
Kabuki: I'm guessing it was that 79 ? bat...
Doozy: The Blue Streaks' trainers are bringing a stretcher out onto the field... Burney's out cold. It looks like he's already lost a lot of blood. But wait, now it appears as if Smarmey's going to make the case that Frink deliberately interfered with the arch of his swing...
Kabuki: Look's like the fans agree, Sieve. About a dozen of them just ran onto the field wielding broken bottles, bicycle chains, cyanide canisters, grenade launchers, and tactical nuclear warheads strapped to refrigerator dollies. Of course here in Texas, citizens are all perfectly within their rights to do so, assuming they're law abiding and possess valid birth certificates...
(Scattered fist-fights and running gun battles break out between groundskeepers and disgruntled fans in the outfield; roving packs of timber wolves and hyenas emerge from the visiting team dugout in pursuit of fleeing players, and swarming flocks of starlings, scrub jays, and magpies begin relentlessly dive-bomb panic-stricken fans in the bleachers, even as they trample each other trying to get to the exits.)
Doozy: Well, isn't this a treat! We've just been joined here in the booth by the sports reporter for the Gulf Grifter, Tom DePraved. Tom what's your take on all this hullabaloo?
Depraved: (His voice nearly drowned out by bursts of automatic weapons fire, British police sirens, Chinese Gongs, trumpeting elephants, and sporadic cannon blasts) What you're witnessing today is the righteous indignation of the average American baseball fan. For years now, these good, decent people have been trying to send us a message: WE NEED TO SLOW THIS GAME DOWN. Baseball is far too important to the American people for us to rush to any final score before the fans have had a chance to weigh-in and assess what's going on here. What we need is to start this game from scratch...
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