So I took the plunge and married myself. Sad to say, the relationship didn't work out; actually it was a disaster, and so I eventually filed for a divorce. It was no one's fault really, but we were emotionally devastated nevertheless. At least we had no children and few knew of the marriage since it was so intimate that I hadn't invited anyone to the wedding. So the mockery I suffered then was mostly self-induced, and was small in comparison to what followed.
About six months later, CNN, as they so often do, alerted me to a new technological possibility with a report about a Japanese man, Akihito Kondo, a school administrator, who fell in love years ago with Miku, a cyber-celebrity hologram. He had finally taken the plunge and married Miku in a lovely ceremony in front of thirty-nine people. Kondo seemed radiantly happy and not at all confused.
So I took another chance and married an anime hologram friend named Meto. She was cute as a button, and being on the lightweight and ethereal side, posed no risk of germs. But she was such a lightweight, even I couldn't stand her and so we parted amicably without ever formally marrying.
It was then I resolved not to listen to the mainstream media for relationship advice. I was still rather desperate for a partner, however, and didn't know where to turn when I happened upon an offbeat podcast where a doctor, no less, was talking about how he thought sexbots would be the wave of the future since they posed none of the problems our flesh is heir to and now were powered by artificial intelligence, which was an added bonus. He also said they came germ free, which was the key for me. So I ordered one by the name of Sveltlana and we have been a healthy couple for about seven months now.
My friends and family ridiculed me terribly at first, but now with the coronavirus pandemic, they are softening their mockery. I have withstood the worst of their abuse as a risk-taking pioneer must. There is no need for me to tell them that Svetlana wears gloves and a mask or that we never shake hands. Why would we? I think they may even be starting to get jealous.
I think Dr. Fauci may be shortly facing just the first and mildest form of abuse for his brave advice to never shake hands. He seems like the sort that can soldier on despite the criticism. But everyone needs encouragement in these diseased times. If, as seems likely, he is planning to follow my germophobic path forward toward a clean robotic future, he might appreciate my cautionary story so he can find strength to vaccinate himself against the silly criticism he is sure to encounter.
So many people have gotten into the sick habit of shaking hands, kissing, and hugging that when a public servant of his prescience and prominence warns that these social habits must be abandoned in the name of public health, there is bound to be an irrational, gut reaction. Such people, who are living in the past and need to stop and think, have always resisted the sage advice of futurists of every stripe, and such pioneers have had to stand strong in the face of public ignorance. Dr. Fauci, like his associate Bill Gates, is a true pioneer.
There is one thing I do not doubt: that digital distance living and a robotic future will only find full popular acceptance when leaders are willing to step up, do the right thing, and take the heat. Keeping people locked in their cells, living the techno life separated from other bodies, will demand a strong hand from the bosses. It's called doing one's job. Will "America's Doctor" get the appreciation he wants for doing his?
Boss: "Sorry, Luke. I'm just doing my job. You gotta appreciate that."
Luke: "Nah calling it your job don't make it right, Boss."
At least that's what Cool Hand Luke thought. But naysaying didn't get him too far, did it.
(Article changed on April 16, 2020 at 08:55)
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