“Do you think the largest army in the world would be content to stay in Asia and eat sushi all day?” I disregarded the anomaly that sushi is a Japanese dish, but when Marshbaum is on a roll it’s hard to divert him with logic. “Come July Fourth, they’re going to shock and awe us with their fireworks, play a Tchaikovsky overture, and then take over the rest of America.”“The Olympics are only about five weeks away,” I reminded him, “why would the Chinese attack us when it’s hosting the leading display for unity and peace?”
“Because they need more emaciated squeaky-voiced gymnasts,” he said, “and we’ll be so grateful to get rid of them and those snooty equestrians as well that we’ll wave flags to honor China.”
“Americans are going to wave Chinese flags? That’s ridiculous!”“American flags,” said Marshbaum. “Most flags and flag pins—you know the ones the semi-patriotic American politicians always wear—are made in China.” Marshbaum thought a moment. “Maybe their Army won’t need to invade us. They’ve already defeated us.” [Dr. Brasch, an award-winning syndicated columnist, is professor of journalism at Bloomsburg University and president of the Pennsylvania Press Club. His latest book is Sinking the Ship of State: The Presidency of George W. Bush (November 2007), available through amazon.com and other bookstores. You may contact Brasch at email@example.com or through his website at: www.walterbrasch.com.]
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