Rosenberg : You give some examples in the book of how sponsorship advice can be too general and might foster spiritual bypass. For example, in one story, a woman who has ceased to like her home group is told by her sponsor to "pray about it" or perhaps, "call another alcoholic." What would be better advice?
Mathieu: Many people that I have interviewed or worked with in recovery have felt like "blanket solutions" that are offered do not always meet them where they are, or don't leave room to feel their feelings. Perhaps the sponsor could ask if the person has shared the uncomfortable feelings in the meeting itself, which would open both the person and others to explore the difficulty. Also, the sponsor can remind the person that it is okay to tolerate some discomfort. The "solution" can sometimes be to allow for the experience of pain, rather than attempting to get rid of it.
Rosenberg: Since "fake it until you make it," is such a deep tenet in 12 Step programs how do recovering people know if a spiritual practice that feels uncomfortable is correct and necessary or if it's the mark of a spiritual bypass?
Mathieu: Well, much of my research made it abundantly clear that there are at least two sides to every story. Sometimes, acting "as if" is a powerful solution. For example, acting as if you don't want to drink will garner another sober day. Other times, acting "as if" is an attempt to overcome the essence of who you are. You can act as if you do not have your personal history, or any feelings about it, but acting this way does not erase your truth. Behavioral techniques such as "fake it till you make it" can be useful bridges between old behavior patterns and new ways of being, but they do not turn you into an entirely different person. I think the best guideline is for recovering people to trust their own process. I often encourage people to get curious about their experience, to ask themselves how something is--or is not--working for them; to become a witness to their own journey. This can lead to the other tenet of recovery: "To thine own self be true."
Rosenberg: What book are you working on as a follow-up to Recovering Spirituality?
Mathieu: My original intention of the research into spiritual bypass in recovery was to investigate the potential pitfalls. I have come out the other side with a deep appreciation for the human condition and more awareness that there is no finish line in recovery. We can't entirely avoid "mistakes" or "pitfalls." I have written about these findings in Recovery Spirituality and would like to extend these ideas--in the hope that we can give ourselves permission to be flawed and fallible, and to bring more compassion to what are sometimes rather challenging growing pains, that will inevitably be experienced over and over again.
Recovering Spirituality: Achieving Emotional Sobriety in Your Spiritual Practice
Ingrid Mathieu, PhD
Paperback and e-book
Hazelden Publishing
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