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Transcript Of An Interview With The Five Conservative Justices About The Recent Corporate Free Speech Case.

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Lawrence Velvel
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JR: Like corporations, bots are smarter than people.

YR: One last question if I may. I apologize for this question, because I know the topic is very sensitive. The name of the film that caused the problem in the recent case was "Hillary: The Movie." It was a smash at Senator Clinton, and I know how you feel about her. But there is a rumor floating around that President O'Bomber is considering appointing former Senator Clinton to the Supreme Court in order to try to thwart you in future, and more or less to rub your face in it, as one might say. There is also a rumor that former Senator Clinton might be amenable to the appointment if she can simultaneously be a Senator and a Justice, and in a few years can simultaneously be a Justice and President. Do any of you Justices have any views about this?

There was silence. It lasted awhile. Then Justice Alito said, "Not true." Then there was more silence. Finally Justice Roberts said: "I think I speak for all of us when I say "No problem.' We'll simply invite her down here to have some amontillado."

YR: Well again, Justices, let me thank you profusely for giving me all this time. And now I'll be happy to join you in that amontillado. I think I'll have a cask of it. But first let me just put my tape recorder into its case.

The tape recorder's case was by the coat rack, which was right next to the door, which had been ajar during the entire interview. I got up, picked up the tape recorder, and sauntered over to the coat rack and case very slowly, so that nobody would suspect my intent. When I got to the door, coat rack and case, and was still carrying the tape recorder, instead of putting it into its case, I suddenly wheeled, shoved open the door, and ran like hell. I heard Justice Roberts screaming, "He's got the tape recorder. Don't let him escape. For the love of God, Nino, catch him."

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Lawrence R. Velvel is a cofounder and the Dean of the Massachusetts School of Law, and is the founder of the American College of History and Legal Studies.
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