AP, 10/11/13 Gilded Turd, Texas
Ten teachers, an assistant principal and an unknown woman were killed today in the teacher's lounge of Glided Turd Middle School. According to sources close to local law enforcement a fight broke out between two science teachers over the teaching of evolution to the school's students and very quickly escalated as the other teachers and an assistant principal took sides. According to the sources the argument further escalated when one of the teachers accused another teacher of sucking the Bavarian cream out of the filled donuts, leaving the deflated pastry behind.
Because of the recent state law enacted by Texas Governor Rick Perry requiring all teachers and school administrators to carry 9mm handguns while on duty, all of the teachers and the assistant principal in the lounge were armed. Apparently the arguments became very heated and guns were drawn. It is not clear who shot first however this appears to be a moot point insofar as everyone in the lounge at the time has been declared dead.
Fortunately no students were injured in the incident. Governor Perry could not be reached for comment. A spokesman for the governor did make a brief statement declaring, "The governor's new gun legislation has been proven effective in keeping children safe." However, so far this year there have been thirty-seven gun related incidents concerning teachers with their new guns, seventeen were fatalities.
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