"Chad Baker never intended to be President. He had every intention of simply continuing as the owner of a popular express lubrication joint. His love of marinara sauce changed everything.
One bright, humid Houston afternoon, with spent Pennzoil 10W40 under his fingernails, Chad stood beatifically stirring finely chopped garlic and fennel into a Yellowstone burbling and burping pot of marinara sauce. He chuckled again, as he always did, stirring the beautiful culinary amalgamation the color of his first love's Father's Ford Valiant.
When the musings and observations entered his basil addled mind and rapidly congealed into a manifesto he knew right then that his life was about to change. "The sauce changed the world. It's abandonment is changing it back."
Chad removed the pot from the burner. He excitedly retrieved his phone from the pocket of his toil worn and oily jacket, calling his brother, a poet, writer and city councilman. "Mike, Mike listen I think I've figured it out. No, not how to add another bay to the shop. What's wrong. Everything. Just listen. It's all about the sauce. Making a good sauce takes care and time. Carry-out pizza and Chef Boyardee have f**ked everything up. Well. it's real simple, the Italians got a hold of tomatoes from the Mexicans and changed the world. Folks then had to give up quick fat and flour sauces. Ok, Yeah the French and Cajons have their thing, let me finish..."
"All across the nation it finally sunk in. Time, understanding and care were important. Posters magically appeared in church vestibules and dentist offices depicting the grotesquely tragic, orange faced President, naked and screaming on a bed of undressed, al dente pasta... From "Lost in the Neighborhood With Books" By Franklin Cincinnatus.