April 1st, Redmond WA.
Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, and one of the world’s richest people, vowed today to end global warming all by himself. According to sources in Redmond, Mr. Gates was quoted as saying “we have a big problem with hot air here in America, and because nobody is willing to do anything but complain about the weather, I have decided to do something about it.”
Microsoft corporation reports that all employees have been told to turn their computers off, and instead, slide rules and manual typewriters will be issued to everyone. Further, all buildings will be retrofitted with ceiling fans, and central air conditioning systems will be decommissioned.
But perhaps the greatest, and most difficult part of the plan to end global warming is Mr. Gates pledge to end computer gaming once and for all. He was quoted as saying “Computer gaming consumes more gigawatts of electricity than all other human activities combined. Several years ago we set out to reduce the use of computer games, first by encouraging kids to just get outside, and ride a bike. That didn’t catch on, so we went to plan B.
Unfortunately, Vista hasn’t been as successful at curbing computer gaming as we had hoped either. So we announce today the end of the Xbox, and the discontinuation of Direct X for Windows. It’s about time kids stopped sitting on their butts and clicking their mice all day long, like their parents do.”
