An Open Letter From Lucifer
Dear Viewers of Hardball,
For more years than I wish to admit I had discharged upon the Earth some pretty awesome shit: Hitler, cancer, Katrina, O'Reilly. All considered major extensions of myself meant to revile or have an affect that would cause humanity to weigh what they themselves had wrought.
Nothing that I would apologize for. After all, it's what I do. But I guess there comes a time for everyone to dig deep, take a good long look at their body of work and examine its value.
So it is that I need to apologize for the existence of Ann Coulter. Quite frankly, I don't know what I was thinking.
Not only does she not serve a worthwhile purpose, but this broad just can't seem to stop trying to one-up me. Timothy McVeigh..."My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building." Pollution..."Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it." 9-11... "I have never seen people enjoying their husband’s death so much.”
At least with slime like Cheney, I get it. It's about gaining more and more power. Using the death of a couple's young son to make what I think was supposed to be a joke? I can't even figure out what the hell she's talking about. Sooner or later even Andrew Dice Clay got to a punchline.
When I generate some kind of hell on earth, long story short, it's for a good reason. Sometimes you're not privy to the reason, but when you meet the Man upstairs, all will be revealed. But a reason for Coulter? I don't even think He's sure.
With Coulter, I really think it just got away from me. May I was thinking about how I could get Paris even more attention. I don't know, but I am sorry. The woman is just vile for vile's sake. With Coulter there's no imagination. Nothing clever. Certainly nothing you can learn from. Do you know how long I work to create something where you might be able to find some silver thread? Okay, most of the time you have to look long and hard. It's not always what I originally intend, but I've been around long enough to know that is what I end up wroughting. With Coulter there's no lessons to be found. She's just a piece of crap that just lies there. It stinks. It gets on your shoes and if you get it on fingers it's near impossible to get the smell off of them. But even so, it is not I who creates that crap. You do. It comes from what you choose to eat. And if you continue to swallow what Coulter is putting out, expect to end up with a stench that you'll never get off your fingers...or your soul.
One more thing. Mr. Matthews, if I had a TV show, I'd think twice about bringing on someone who only demeans my credibility even if I think it might improve my ratings. Two words: Chevy Chase.
Steve Young is author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful...Mistakes, Adversity, Failure sand Other Steppingstones to Success." www.greatfailure.com 
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