Palin Suspends Vice Presidential Campaign: Rushes Back to Alaska to Keep an Eye on Russia

In what most Fox News talk show hosts feel is a gosh darn terrific political move, Republican Vice Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin announced that she is interrupting her campaign to return to Juneau to look at Russia, which you can see from Alaska.

"This is exactly the time that those Ruskies like to attack like they did at Pearl Harbor, don’tcha know," said Palin. "I would hope that Senator Biden would join me and put the country above the campaign and come back to Alaska to make sure the USSR doesn't try something funny."

"Governor Palin believes that geography is more important than politics," said McCain campaign spokesman, Tucker Bounds. "If Senator Biden wants to place his Vice Presidential aspirations over the security of America, then we’ll let the voter decide who they'd rather wake up next to in the White House at 3AM in case the president dies.  And if the American voter wants to picture that person wearing a flimsy, sheer, shortie negligee, so be it."

Asked by Katie Couric what she would do if Russia did make a move toward America, Palin was quick to appear earnest.

"I'd say, thanks, but no thanks, Katie.  You know, I put that plane on eBay.”

To her credit, when Couric wanted Palin to name at least one time Russia has stepped over into Alaska, Palin didn't blink.

"I’ll try to find ya some and bring 'em to ya."

In other suspended campaign news, while attempting to chew a piece of Doublemint gum, Republican Presidential candidate, John McCain stumbled and fell off the curb.

Award-winning TV writer, Steve Young, is author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" (www.greatfailure.com) and blogs at the appropriately named steveyoungonpolitics.com