They might as well have booted the laptop, poured the liquor down his alcoholic throat and unzipped his fly for the priest. Far Left Hate America Firsters ™ George Soros and Melanie Sloane (Executive Director of Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington who might have received financial support from Soros), who would love see the terrorists blow up America and have the U.S lose (any) wars, kill Christ, all while serving as Best Man and Maid of Honor at every gay wedding, have been caught pulling Mark Foley's pants down.

With Fox's Sean "GMC (Great 'Merican Cars)" Hannity "staying up late to read," and Le Couture Homme de Guerre, Bill O, sending in his crack investigative team, the Dynamic Duo of Decency ™ have teamed to uncover the evil the Left has wrought upon our children.

Sean rightly - very rightly - wants to know why Sloane, who immediately turned over the Foley e-mails to the FBI the day her organization received them, didn't do more. You know, like how Sean praised Dan Rather's "doing more" with the "Bush AWOL" documents before they were thoroughly scrutinized.

This isn't to say the Sean was the kind of robust investigator (lotta reading) who would stop digging until he nailed the real story behind the story. He read fans the breaking unbiased American Spectator story which revealed that - sit down for this one becuase it's going to rock every last sense of integrity that may still find it palatable to reside in Democratic leadership - future Majority Leader, Nancy Pelosi, she of the homosexual agendiality, marched in a Gay Pride parade three positions away from someone who had advocated man-boy love. Three positions. You got to know that at least two of those positions weren't your standard missionary. Freakin' Democratic gay advocate marcher near man-boyer!

Holy crap! If Democrats win the House, make sure your kids are out of gay ray agenda range.

Bill O exposed the real story behind the Foley underage sexcapades: Billionaire philanthropist Soros contributed to the organization who gave the evidence of a crime against children to the FBI. Damn you, George. Damn you and your philanthropic pro-American-child altruism! Donating money to groups who follow proper criminal-fighting processes in fighting corruption. What the hell were you thinking?!

And finally, fun-loving Bill Kristol showed up on Fox's John Gibson's show and went one better than Matt Drudge's blaming the kids who were the targets of Foley's e-mails as "beasts" who were "egging the Congressman on." Kristol blamed the entire Florida electorate voters who "should have know better."

Damn you, George. Damn you, Melanie. Damn you, Pelosi. Damn you, Florida. Damn you kids who Foley text messaged.

Thankfully we have Fox.

Happy Birthday Fair and Balancers ™. Don't ever stop keeping our eyes on the really real story. Now, where was that Natalie Holloway?

Steve Young is author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful"(www.greatfailure.com)and the wacky new children's novel, "15-Minutes" (HarperCollins)