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(Notes of the American Tourist) Haunted means ‘feeding place for animals’ Stephen King, IT I spent about a week in Israel recently, invited by friends of ours, the emigrants from the former Soviet Union, like us. We lived with them and traveled to several places mostly for fun and talk because we had not seen each other for 20 years or so. We also met many interesting people. It was my first visit to the Holy Land and surely, I was an American tourist on a prowl, an Innocent Abroad, following the immortal path of Mark Twain. In his footsteps I try here to be humorous and caustic while loving and understanding at the same time.
In the mountains of Galilee, close to the Lebanese border the sky is cloudless and it is so silent. But it is not far from the Jut- Phat, the infamous fortress where Joseph, the Jewish rebel general made his final stand in the first Judean war against the legions of Vespasian, then surrendered while pursuing all his other comrades to commit suicide. By the current standards Joseph was a fanatical terrorist, an ancient Jewish shahid, although he afterwards gained glory as a famous Joseph Flavius, the historian of Rome and Judea. Not to denigrate the courage of the Jewish uprising I have to say that I surely understand the problem Romans faced: in Judea they faced an ‘organized disorder’. That is the people of the country reflected in their everyday life the actual nature of it. Israeli terrain is anything but orderly. Mountains and huge hills appear suddenly and from nowhere. You can have a terrific crispy morning followed by the Hamsin wind that guest form the Sinai desert covering everything with dust. You don’t want to live there if you have asthma. Up in the mountains it is dry but close to the sea it is humid as Hell. Fresh water lakes are rare and do not forget the Dead Sea. The plant life reminds you of Arizona so much that for some time I expected a McCain campaign logo to appear from around the corner. It is rather greenish in spring but by summer it all burns out except for the olive trees, fig trees and some tough shrubbery. There are scorpions and other nasty species. There is not much rain but when it rains it pours. Modern buildings from cement and steel look strange and unfortunate in this stony environment. How natural though the Acre fortress looks with its massive stonewalls and eternal dusk in the magnificent halls. Same natural feeling you retain when visiting the Holy Churches in Jerusalem, Mosques and ancient Jewish buildings. All of those keep the tradition of becoming a part of the landscape, something which if abandoned would eventually become a hill or a mountain or maybe just some ruin which you would not even notice if not pointed at. Roman order, Roman architecture, their accuracy and precision when confronted by this ‘chaos in making’ had to resolve to more and more drastic measures to succeed which eventually succumbed to inhumanity and cruelty, making all good things their opposite. Elia Capitolina, the Roman city erected by the Emperor Adrian on the ruins of Jerusalem served no other purpose but to erase the memory of the Jewish city and that was already a reason it was doomed from the start. It is true: this terrain can make any rational person nuts but when did the nature ever care for the rational person? You have to love it to appreciate it but Romans, they knew only Rome, they carried it with them. It was thus hopeless. The Byzantines did by far a better job and it is still seen in their magnificent churches. 2. Everyday life in Israel Dogs in Israel are surely the distinct rulers of the land. They go anywhere they please, alone, without supervision; they piss and poop whenever they want. I am pretty sure that Napoleon was not stopped at Acco by the skillful artillery of the Acre fortress but by the disgust with the dog shit and dog piss and rabid dogs and doggie bags for lunch and all that. Dogs are boundless; they wander between the Arab villages and Eshuvs (those are Jewish settlements), they speak all three main local laguages- Hebrew, Arabic and Russian (also they are fluent in English and French) and they sure as Hell do not care whether they piss on the Via Dolorosa or near the Wall Of Tears. They know they will go to Heaven no matter what. In fact if it was not for the canine citizens of Israel (who do not need a rabbinical permission to copulate) the approximately 6 million humans there would have been at each other’s throats 24 hours a day. If I was Condi Rice I would invite the canine representative to join the ‘quartet’ in the negotiations for the Peaceful Solution in the Middle East. That would be much smarter. Apart from the dogs there are about 6 million two-legged creatures of different species who are officially Israeli citizens. That reminds me: all those fiercely isolationist people like Hebrews (Cefardim, Ahkenazim,Hasidim, Haredim, Falashim, Olim, Russim, Englandim, Francim, Moskovitim, New Zealandim..) Arabs (Sunni, Christian, Secular),Druze people, Bedouins, Copts (not Cops), Greeks, Armenians, Bahaim, all kinds of Christians, including Jesus himself- they all fall under one category in the US race declaration: People of the Middle Eastern Descent. That simple. BTW, why do the US Jews including yours truly profess their eternal connection to the Hebrew culture but in the race section quietly write ‘White, Caucasian’, as if Caucasus has anything to do with the length of our noses? Returning back to the topic we simply say that in sorts, the US race form had solved the problem the Israeli citizens consider unsolvable; they are all the same to us and to Glenn Beck. All the same from Olmert to Arafat. I wonder if Condi ever told them that. Israel has two electric Power Stations, both coal- fed. There is no coal in Israel (not much of any natural resources except for manganese and the Dead Sea minerals). Thus the coal is exported. Many fossil fuels come from Russia including coal and oil. That seems rather funny considering that the Middle- Eastern oil is right there… Would it be possible to assume that all our Iraqi escapade was for oil but .. for oil for Israel? If Iraq starts pumping oil to Israel its power hunger would be greatly relieved. That also means that if Iran takes over in Iraq Israel will face a dubious future power- wise at least. Go figure. Israel has an abundance of sunlight and they use sun extensively; nearly all houses have sun boilers on their roofs. It should be reasonable to assume that solar power could be a savior but as the country does have a highly militaristic heavy industry that one requires a lot of centralized power. Nuclear energy is not an option; it requires a lot of water. Water is the primary commodity and the hidden source of powerful controversies in Israel. Rain is scarce and in the desert they do not have even that. Artesian water in the mountains is available but it is tough to drill. The modern part of Israel gets water from the Kineret Lake and that one goes shallow pretty frequently. I am not sure about how the resources of the Jordan river are shared. Israeli plant cultivation and agriculture claim the ‘drop- wise irrigation’ which saves a lot of water but still water being a primary driver of the sewer systems is never enough. Desalination could have relieved at least the industrial burden but those projects were stopped by money shortages. Money shortages? Israel seems to be a primary recipient of the US foreign aid as well as of the private donations. How much is the 700kg- golden tabernacle donated by Kiev Jewish magnate Rabinovich? I guess it is worth close to the cost of one desalination station. Hey, being an engineer I happen to know that the Arab Emirates have a great experience in that. But… Israel does not cooperate with all those other ‘Middle- Eastern’ folks and that’s why the toilets in the houses are full of filthy chemicals like in the airplanes. Hey, one more thing: the water-starving Caribbean nations had developed the whole culture of ‘rain- capturing’ house- building including the special reservoirs under the house to save every drop. Those seem to be ideal for Israel but.. it looks that Arabic kablans (developers) who are the primary builders in Israel never heard of such experience. Oh, the mysteries of the Israeli society! Roads are Ok, I guess but the way they drive will turn your stomach upside-down. The system is European and it shows. Only in Israel they have a special sign by a hand meaning ‘I am lost, stop and help me’. They park so close to each other that in the US such parking would result in multiple lawsuits. All-in-all it seems that the citizens of Israel treat cars as donkeys. They overload them, abuse them, they stop whenever they please, they cut each other off, they swear, they fill the cars with all kinds of shit, they leave them unattended. And that is when it is really tough to buy a car and when the car loan from the dealer is only available for the new cars. Otherwise you have to go to the bank. Gas in Israel is more expensive than in the US and all the associated goods are imported. Home Depot-kind stores would make an American flinch- so expensive they are. My Israeli friends love to eat. Food in Israel is less expensive and if you frequent the Arabic markets you can get good and cheap food for a low shekel. Dairy foods, juices, fruits and fish are in abundance. There are excellent vegetables and terrific coffee (coffee Aful, the upside- down coffee is the greatest). Many Israelis eat a lot of hummus, that is some kind of a bean-based spread, very good, perfect meal. They buy it from Arabs. Kosher food is also in abundance. With the advancement of the Russian –Jewish population there are more and more non-kosher stores with Russian food of all kinds down to pork. Meat though is expensive in Israel and poultry is more popular. Healthy too. There is a limited wine industry, courtesy of the original efforts of Baron E. Rotshield but Israelis have access to European wines too. I ate there such food as stuffed eggplants and it was paradise. Many my fellow- immigrants of my age are thus fat or have big bellies. The indigenous Jews and Arabs are not that fat, rather fit and sturdy. So are the Bedouins. I have to remind that Moslems do not drink alcohol. Cirrhosis is a Jewish disease in Israel.
A writer is a rogue goose. All other gees fly in a flock formation; every goose knows his place and time for honking. The rogue goose is undisciplined. He leaves the formation indiscriminately to have a look at it from aside. He roams back and forth, takes a peep at the leader, honks a little bit from behind, distracts everyone and writes on what he sees. Time passes and as he wants to return back to his place he discovers someone else there. Thus he either has to wait until they land for rest or join another flock in emigration. Those other birds could be cranes, storks or even crows. If he makes it he will become a rogue again. Whenever he goes and whatever he writes he never reaches a destination or enjoys a landing. There's only Kipling's God of Fair Beginnings and skies above and beyond. And the only way for a writer to make peace with the Deity is through the language of Poetry
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