Article: Hey W., Rumsfeld has got to go

Hey Dubya, this here's Bubba, your ol' buddy. You ain't read that new book, "State of Denial" by Bob Woodward, have you, bud? No, I didn't think you had. Yea, I know. It's a thick one. Hard to carry around and too big to stuff in your pocket. You don't want nobody to slap you upside the head with Bob's big red book. Nor is it reading matter for the little boys' room. Then again, Dubya, reading it might help you along more than a Texas-sized dose of Metamucil. Listen, Dubya, I'm not enjoying having to do this, but somebody has got to say it. None of your staff is going to tell you. They figured you'd take it best from somebody who you've known for such a long time. Despite you saying it, Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney are not doing "fantastic jobs." You should not be "pleased with the progress we're making" in Iraq. And you don't need to be saying that you want Rumsfeld and Cheney with you until the end. You might get want you want sooner than you think. Don't get me wrong, good buddy. I admire and appreciate you, Dubya. God is surely using you. I know what you meant when you told new members of Congress that you knew "how hard it is on a family to be in the political arena. It's the ultimate sacrifice, really . . ." But, Dubya, you don't need to be repeating that line whenever you visit young men and women laying in the hospitals who had their legs blown-off and heads shredded while following your orders. Then, there is the matter of people saying the problem is that you and none of your staff has ever had a taste of combat. They say y'all are a bunch of compensating chickenhawks who are trying to prove your manhood by playing with other people's lives. Listen to this common sentiment: "You know, the problem with these guys is they've never been in a bar fight." And that was Colin Powell who said that! The truth of it is, good buddy, people are talking sh*t about you. Not just behind your back anymore, but they are talking it right out in public. They're talking even louder now this Woodward book claims that you don't listen to nobody about not a pooting thing. They're saying you're in a state of denial and that you're deluding yourself and deluding others about what really is going down in Iraq. Worse, - and remember this is ain't me talking here, Dubya - Woodward basically describes you as an out-of-touch patsy who hasn't got the slightest harebrained idea of what the hell you're doing and that clueless tyrant Donald Rumsfeld is running the show while running off everybody who does have some sense. Dubya, your own brown-nosers are painting you as the biggest patsy out of Texas since Lee Harvey Oswald. Yea, I know you want to write off the whole thing as sour grapes from a disgruntled liberal writer who's pissed you wouldn't interview him no more. But I'm afraid this time that ain't gonna play none too well. See, some of them liberals are saying Woodward is a sell out who is simply saying what the Republicans want him to say about what happened in Iraq. In other words, don't try calling him a liberal because some liberals are saying he ain't no liberal but he's one of them there establishment big-shots. Good buddy, you should be happy that there ain't none of that mess in Woodward's book about the neo-con Project for a New American Century and their blueprint for Iraq and other wars. Woodward don't talk nary a bit about how American troops were able to secure oil fields while they didn't lift a finger to stop looters. Nor did he talk about who now controls Iraqi oil. Ain't much talk about war profiteering or a whole lot of reporting on the reporting which rationalized the war to the American public. And while he reports your dependence on Prince Bandar of Saudi Arabia to tell you the difference between China and France, Woodward didn't explore your family's business dealings with Arab oil. But he noted that in 2004 that you "thanked Bandar for what the Saudis were doing on oil - essentially flooding the market and trying to keep the price as low as possible" and "the impact it could have during the election year." Despite all that, what I'm telling you, Dubya, is that even if this is simply Republican spin about how you have bungled Iraq, then you're way up the creek. When you talk about keeping the course, all I see is you paddling further on up the creek straight to impeachment. Listen, partner, you got to face the facts this time. Even the Republican kiss-asses you have surrounded yourself with have said some very unkind things about you and your fantasy cheerleader leadership. "Likewise, in these moments where Bush had someone from the field there in the chair beside him, he did not press, did not try to open the door himself and ask what the visitor had seen and thought. The whole atmosphere too often resembled a royal court, with Cheney and Rice in attendance, some upbeat stories, exaggerated good news, and a good time had by all." Hell, Dubya, Woodward even reported that Karl "Turd Blossom" Rove and you loved to share fart jokes. You boys even had a remote controlled toy that make farting sounds that just used to make you boys keel-over laughing so hard in senior staff meetings. Ain't nothing like blowing out some gas to relive the stress of blowing people to smithireens like you used to do with frogs growing up as a kid. Woodward basically says you're a good cheerleader but that you are ignorant, naive and way in over your head. His sources paint you as inattentive, - "whose legs often jiggled under the table" - impatient and impulsive. "His role was to express confidence and enthusiasm." They also depict you as basically being putty in the hands of Rumsfeld. Nobody likes Rumsfeld. He's a mean son-of-a-b*tch. He meddles in everybody's mess without answering to nobody himself. He takes credit for everything and blame for nothing. Nobody likes an arrogant, mean bully and that is exactly what Rumsfeld is. He's a large part of the reason Powell is gone. Rumsfeld doesn't let anybody tell you anything that he and Uncle Dick don't want you to hear. "Rumsfeld must go." That's what the editorial is going to read on election eve in the four major newspapers which cater to each of the four major branches of the American military. Dubya, American air men, Marines, sailors and soldiers are going to read that "It is one thing for the majority of Americans to think Rumsfeld has failed. But when the nation's current military leaders start to break publicly with their defense secretary, then it is clear that he is losing control of the institution he ostensibly leads." Let me put it straight on the line, Mr. President. You are losing control. The Democrats are going to win control of Congress. Yep, that's right. Both houses. And this time, they might not wimp out like they did with your daddy and Iran-Contra. They're going to call you on the carpet about Iraq. I can all but guarantee you that they are going to want to kick Rumsfeld's ass right on out the door. If you don't humble yourself, then the Democrats might actually have enough get-up-and-go to impeach you. I know the idea of Democrats acting as if they have some gumption sounds far-fetched but it's within the realm of possibility. That's why, you're going to have to push this Christian bit even further, Dubya. I know there's a whole big fuss about how your posse has exploited the religious right. So, what I'm telling you, is that you are going to have to come across even more born-again. You are going to have humble yourself for a change instead of exalting yourself so much. Try walking a little less like John Wayne and a lot more Jesus. Follow Jesus's advice and become last instead of being number one all the time. Learn to listen and stop acting like a self-centered know-it-all who thinks he's God's gift to humanity. And, Dubya, you are really going to have to own up to all your sins and mistakes and genuinely and tearfully beg for mercy for all the evil your wicked and sinful pride has caused. You are going to have to repent, even to the satisfaction of die-hard liberal casuists You're going to have to come completely clean with what you have done. Not to win elections, but you are going to have to beg for mercy just to avoid the judgment which is going to come down on you for having lead American troops into the worst military blunder since Custer told his boys not to cut and run but to keep the course. So, listen to what I got to say, and I'll be praying they don't treat you like you have treated detainees. Your bestest buddy, Lucifer "Bubba" Mephistopheles de Mammon Richard can be heard frequently live on the Bob Kincaid Radio Show (7-10 pm EST) on Head-on Radio Tags: George Bush , Donald Rumsfeld, Bob Woodward, State of Denial