Bushites Make Generous Oil Deal!
Those greedy bastards have finally done something nice. They made an incredibly generous oil deal with Iraq and then followed that with a similar deal with: Syria, North Korea and now have sent a peace offering to Presidente' Hugo Chavez and much more.
Bush Demands and Gets Justice And Peace For All!
President G W Bush has made an historic about-face in his quest to turn America into a larger, better equipped and more heavily armed version of Nazi Germany.
In his newest policy proposal to intimates, he strongly suggests; pulling out of Iraq in two weeks, bringing home the war ships in the Persian Gulf, forcing the oil companies to return 95% of the profits they have made in the last five years, declare war upon, and immediately send a contingent of marines and air force to attack Halliburton and their army of mercenaries, sign a rejection of The Military Commissions Act of 2006, and The Patriot's Act, vote $250,000,000 in reparations to and release all political prisoners in American and foreign prisons, place a death penalty upon any one who participates or even speaks in defense of Torture.
He has further asked the Delhi Lama, the pope, the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Grand Ayatollah, Jesus, God and Sean Penn to forgive him for his sins. He plans to don sackcloth and ashes, pull out his hair as he douses himself with dust, ashes, and further plans to ride the Scapegoat out into the desert of Sinai, climb Mount Sinai and fast for forty days in reparation of his sins.
Yesterday he walked on his knees from the White House to Jane Fonda's home to beg her prayers and then flew to Ireland to kiss the blarney stone and from there to Fatima, Lourdes, the Shrine of St. Anne Beaupre', St. Francis of Assisi, The Shroud of Turine, and the Tombs of Mickey Mantle and Elvis Presley (who was later sighted holding hands with Jessica Simpson in New Delhi).
The President made a tearful apology for what the fascists did to the Presidency of Bill Clinton and offered to let Bill be his proxy for the next year and one-half. More than that, he denounced A G Gonzalez, H. Paulson and Tom DeLaye. In addition, Mr. Bush pledged all of the profits of Halliburton, Bechtel, the Carlyle Group and his own holdings as war reparations to the people of Iraq, and will personally deliver to the home of each family who has lost a loved one, a massive Harry And David Fruit and Nuts Basket and sign them all up for Harry And David Fruit of Month Club.
President Bush asked congress to pass a bill allowing any people living under the same roof, whether a male and female in a bonded relationship, any two people of the same gender, whether related or not; including any two family members, or just two folks who enjoy each other's company, or a man and a goat, or three women and a department store Manikin, to be given the same benefits as married couples and their children. President Bush, then removed his suit coat, his 3 layers of bullet proof vests, his superman cape and his shirt and ran out into the street outside the White House and gave his shirt and all his loose change to a retarded, homeless man (Who looked an awful lot like Nwet Gingrich).
In the evening President Bush and Vice President Cheney invited Cindy Sheehan and Robin Williams in for some Bridge, with tea and Crumpets.
Friday Mr. Bush plans to set up annuities for all American and allied people who were wounded, injured and for the families of those who lost their lives in Iraq and Afghanistan, and then offered amnesty to Osama Bin Laden, he also had the air force spray the millions of acres of poppies growing in Afghanistan with an all natural herbicide.
Mr. Bush has signed a law which makes outsourcing of jobs a Federal crime and companies which outsourced previously will pay a 77% income tax chargeback for the last 15 years. CEO Compensation packages will be limited to no more than $2,500,000 annually.
Thursday Mr. Bush will set up the Bushite Memorial for the Memory of Th AMA, as soon as the SWAT team finishes with them. In addition, on Thursday, he participated in the massive, full frontal Commando attack led by Arnold Schwarzenegger on the five largest Drug Manufacturers in the world and he set up a board of inquiry to deal with the entire Medical Industrial Complex, with Michael Moore as Chair in Perpetuity.
Bush sent Sylvester Stallone to meet with all of the professional sports owners and Commissioners to tell them to fire all umpires, referees and officials and to end the "Management of Outcomes" of professional sports philosophy of "Home Team Wins." He stressed that ball and strike counts would be made by instant electronic laser/camera equipment. All fair/foul poles in baseball from here on would have screens running the height of the pole, into foul territory for 25 feet so that it is clear which are homeruns and which are foul balls. In every league Mr. Stallone was to visit grammar school, college, park league and all other leagues which use metal bats and he was instructed to gather the officials who have ordered such bats to join Mr. Stallone in a ceremony where he paints their jock straps with Super Glue and also performs a bat-up-the-wazoo stuffing ceremony
The President also raided Little League headquarters nation wide and sent everyone over the age of 18 to the Gobi desert to dig the massive proposed Lake Gobi there in the sand. Each person will cart on their backs a few gallons of water until the 50,000-acre lake is filled.
From this day, forward the kids themselves will manage the leagues of all sports for kids under age 21. All adults who try to advise the leagues will be parachuted into Baghdad with a sign attached saying, "I Supported the War!"
The President, in nother surprise move, turned the drug companies, hospitals, drug stores and clinics, over to the major universities to manage and run at no-profit. Most of the remaining CVS and Walgreen's stores were transformed into gymnasia for neighborhood kids.
All of the insurance companies health insurance divisions were dissolved.