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Tiger and Dick

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Jill Jackson
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What a depressing spectacle. A grown man, forced to humiliate himself on national television like Hester Prynne and Arthur Dimmesdale in the stocks. Unless his sponsors had explicitly required a celibacy clause in Tiger Woods' advertising contracts, the only people who should have an axe to grind about Tiger's sexual romps are the women with whom he romped, and, of course, his wife. You and I really shouldn't give a darn about this "dog bites man' story. Successful rich man is tempted by beautiful, available women, and gives in to his desires. Yawn. The divorce lawyers can argue over how much of a "fine", Tiger needs to pay Elin, if an apology alone doesn't do the trick. Just leave us out of it--please.

In fact, the only folks who should co*k an ear to this tale are the local gendarmes who need to decide if Tiger's middle-of-the night accident weeks ago was chargeable, the Accenture accountants estimating the hit on Tiger's spokesperson income, and the armchair bettors who might see some losses if Tiger's golf skills erode with all the hubbub. You and me, well, we're not rich, and we have jobs to do, mortgages or rent to pay, children to raise, etc, etc," Good luck with the wife, Tiger, but it's your bed you made, not mine.

Now Dick is another matter. Like a phoenix with fangs, rising from the ashes and hungry for more blood, Dick "Dracula" Cheney flew into the CPAC, Conservative Political Action Conference this past week, with nary an apology to be heard. No acknowledgment of the selfishness of tax cuts for the rich and socialism for corporations. No contrite statements about the "pre-emptive" assault on Iraq, the support of waterboarding and other forms of torture in Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib, or the gutting of our economy, privacy, and civil rights. No therapy-induced insights about the impact of his actions on the lives and livelihoods of others here and abroad, and the need for a 180-degree about-face. No, the "Crouching Tiger" instead stood before a cheering crowd to crow about the notches on his suspenders--"I screwed the middle and working classes, plundered a country without consent, and feasted on the temptations that my position and power provided. And, God willing, I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

Tiger Woods may be taking some positive steps to save his family, and possibly his A-list celebrity. Kudos, Tiger, and good luck, but it's no skin off my tush. It's Dick I'm worried about--unrepentant and aggressive, ready to tighten the screws on the stocks to pillory the suffering remnants of the middle and working class. Like Tiger, we need to keep our eyes on the ball--and the ball isn't Tiger's, it's Dick's and his cronies'. We must make sure they don't get another chance to come to the fore and play through our government and private green. Now, that would be truly depressing.

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Jill Jackson is a practitioner of kindness and common sense. Unlike her cat, she prefers to think out of the box.

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