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O'Reilly: "A Big Steaming Lump of Male Vanity"

By       Message JC Garrett     Permalink
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Is there any way Bill O'Reilly could have possibly chosen a worse title for his new book, A Bold, Fresh Piece of Humanity? How can anyone miss the obvious comical ridiculousness of that title? Keith Olbermann has alternated between several titles which O'Reilly may as well have chosen, including:

  • A Big Steaming Lump of Male Vanity
  • A Deep Barking Voice of Inanity
  • A Large Bag of Gas Who's No Hannity

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    Those three alternate titles were first proposed in June by Newsweek. Bill Orally didn't take too kindly to that, and he railed against Newsweek's editor, Jon Meacham, bloviating blusterously that "NEWSWEEK has really gone off the rails with its far-left posture. For destroying a once fine magazine, Meacham is a pinhead."

    Authors Joseph Minton Amann and Tom Breuer, co-founders of, and who wrote a book by the same name, offer these suggestions:

  • Please Dad, Not in the Face: Memories of My Father
  • I've Written Another Book Because My Fans Are Retards
  • Untitled Piece of sh*t Bill O'Reilly Manuscript

    Commenters at QRZ Forums have a few good ones:

  • How To Talk Loudly And Influence Sheeple
  • Superiority Through Arrogant Presumption
  • How to Get Idiots to Spend Money

    My favorites: A Big Steaming Lump of Male Vanity, and God forgive me, Please Dad, Not in the Face: Memories of My Father.

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    O'Reilly says he decided on this title because a nun once told him as a young boy, "William, you are a bold fresh piece of humanity."

    While I have not read the book (due primarily to my aversion to spending $26 for 256 pages of completely useless B.S.), it's probably safe to assume the rest of the book is every bit as bad as the title, and chock-full of self-congratulatory sentiments that O'Reilly is known for.

    The first page is the Pledge of Allegiance. Nothing wrong with the pledge, but what possible reason would O'Reilly have for making it the first page in his book? It's amazing that even Stephen Colbert's exaggerated pretend wrapping of himself in the flag can't come close to the reality of Bill O'Reilly's false patriotism.

    If you are considering purchasing A Bold, Fresh Piece, be forewarned that there may be unintended consequences that may weigh heavily on your conscience. O'Reilly's website states:

    For a limited time, for every copy of A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity bought on, we will send a copy to the troops.

    Haven't the troops been through enough hardship and pain?

    I also have it on good authority from unnamed sources that Cheney has now implemented the inclusion of the forced reading of all of O'Reilly's books in the list of approved enhanced interrogation techniques at Guantanamo Bay and secret CIA prisons.

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    One other humorous piece of trivia is that the letters of Billo's newest title can be rearranged to form the anagram "Shameful, bona fide hypocrite."

    By JC Garrett


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    JC Garrett is a freelance writer and Constitutional scholar from the piney-woods of East Texas. Mr. Garrett owns and operates an independent recording studio, plays several instruments, writes, sings, and produces music. His stories have (more...)

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