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New Study of Talk Show Host Brains Calls For Compassion Not Scorn

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You Wouldn't Ridicule Someone With Parkinson's*, Then Why Mock Anyone With A Brain Disease," says a should be Nobel Prize winner

A new study released by Bio-psychological Medicine (BM) Journal offers clear evidence that the brains of the radio/TV talk show host/pundit, thought to be synthetically influenced by environmental and partisan pressure, is fundamentally hardwired differently than the normal human brain due to in utero developmental malformation of the embryonic nervous system in the first three months of fetal development. (See: Rosemary Baby's brain)

The study calls for a new category within the International Classification of Diseases (ICD) to cover the brain-behavioral syndrome (see map and legend below) with the oral and anal local ganglia, the term "Cephalinguanal Syndrome" (Ceph/Syn) is proposed by the research team due to define Ceph/Syn sufferers' unique behavioral capacity for incessant oral emissions, both diurnal and nocturnal, that emanate from the confluence of the left and right glutei maximi.

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While the normal brain is the site of reason and intelligence, the talk show host brain, dependent on bias and fanaticism to filter information, cannot distinguish rumor from fact.

Where the frontal lobe of the normal cerebrum controls reasoning, emotions, judgment, and voluntary movement, the cerebrum of the talk show host brain relies strictly on the neocon-cortex, which delivers Republican talking points, making voluntary movement impossible.

Where the normal brain sees the death of thousands of American troops and hundreds of thousands of those in a land you invaded for no good reason as despicable, the diseased talk show host brain secured in a body that never served a day of military service, will consider it America at its best.

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Where the normal brain considers cuts in Veterans Benefits during wartime while trillions are wasted in a burgeoning quagmire of deadly mistakes while those once sympathetic to our 9/11 suffering turned against us, the deformed talk show host brain swaggers.

Where the normal brain is embarrassed that the richest, most powerful nation in history leaves the poorest without proper health coverage, the talk show host brain believe tax cuts for the richest are a necessity.

Where the normal brain sees the intentional division of people through deceit and scapegoating of half of America as treasonous, the talk show host brain believes that this is an uber-patriotic method of attaining riches.

Where once we might blame talk show hosts for some sort of evil intent, we now know there are physiological reasons.

The typical human brain houses more than 100 billion neurons, which process and transmit information. The talk show host brain can only accommodate a single neuron which carries information originating inside the anal cavity directly to the vocal chord generating not as much a coherent thought as viral gastroenteritis (diarrhea) of the mouth.

Researchers participating in the study hope that their work will generate a new understanding of a zealot's incessant appetite for approval and book sales, not as a deliberate or calculated effort to spread malice and perversion of the truth, but as an uncontrollable disorder which unfortunately can infect those innocents who may ingest the diseased brain's sediment as fact. The study encourages humane treatment of these talk show hosts in keeping with the now-standard "People-First" language of disabilities. It is urged that we no longer refer to these people as "talk show hosts/pundits", or the somewhat pejorative if not inaccurate term "lying bastards", and instead adopt the new ICD terminology: People with Cephalinguanal Syndrome'."

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"What is sad, is that most people do not understand that talk show hosts cannot help what they do any more than a large, wet fart can stop from smelling up a small classroom," stated Dr. H. Dansky. "Except for O'Reilly. He's just a dick."

Detail of the diseased talk show host brain follows.

Foxnewswashingtontimeswallstjournal Lobe - Sensory center for misinformation.

Goebbels Corpus Callosum - A large bundle of nerve fibers that connect the left and right cerebral hemispheres allowing the talk show host to scapegoat anyone or anything not white, Christian and Republican.

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