To: Bill O'Reilly firstname.lastname@example.org
From: Rick Mathis email@example.com
re: did you really say it and appearances by Media Matters, Greg Palast and Helen Thomas
"That's how I'd run that country [Iraq] -- just like Saddam ran it. Saddam didn't have explosions. He didn't have bombers, did he? Because if you got out of line, you're dead." Hee haw, there you bray, Bill. Puck democracy. That's how Iraq needs to be run: just like Saddam did. Gas them all. Those who God wants to survive will survive. Let the dead bury the dead. What fools these liberals be. Forget giving time to bleeding-hearts like Media Matters, Greg Palast and Helen Thomas who might want to discuss differing views on the war in Iraq.
Good patriots like you know that you got to set curfews and rules and shoot violators "right between the eyes." Of course, you said that is "not the kind of country I want for Iraq" but that "you have to have that for a few months to stabilize the situation so the Iraqi government can get organized, can get security in place and get the structure going." Bill, are you sure that you are not plagiarizing what Reagan said when he backed Saddam or Osama? Are you sure you're simply not repeating what the government said about Noriega? Are you not simply doing a variation of the old "we had to destroy the village in order to save it?"
But of course none of this is for my understanding and I am as lost as a hobgoblin in a forest at night trying to find the light of day. Puck has royally mucked things up. The mission has not been accomplished. The insurgents have brought it on. America needs a cutthroat like Saddam to rescue the day and to restore order amid passions pixified.
That's why if I was Saddam or his lawyers I would be taking your sage advice, good buddy. If I was Saddam I'd sure seize upon your flattering recommendation of his ability to maintain good old law and order worthy of the endorsement of Bill O'Reilly and the American right. Hell, Bill, I'd even make overtures to the Americans, telling them that it worked before and it can work again. Think of it. Saddam knows how to keep a lid on things. We wouldn't need to have to fly suspects all over the world to be tortured. Saddam could do it all for us. Forget us trying to run Abu Ghraib when a real pro like Saddam can do it a lot cheaper and without having to worry about what a pack of do-good liberals will have to say. Not to mention Saddam sure knows how to kill Iranians, especially when given biological and chemical weapons from the good old US of A. And I bet that he has learned his lesson and is willing from now on to do exactly what his Saudi masters and their Christian soldiers tell him to do.
So, hey, Bill, that was one sure ringing endorsement of Saddam Hussein and his reign of torture and mass murder and how it is needed again at least temporarily in Iraq. Thanks for keeping us informed of your wishes and intentions.
From my love Titania and myself, we wish you a merry midsummer night's dream, dear Nick, I mean Bill.
Tags: Bill O'Reilly, Iraq, Saddam Hussein, Helen Thomas, Greg Palast, Media Matters, O'Reilly Factor, Fox News, Mainstream Media, Media bias, Satire, A Midsummer Night's Dream, William Shakespeare