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President Kinky Friedman's Performance From a 2010 Perspective

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Message Joel Hirschhorn
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As we approach the end of 2010 it is fitting to look at how President Kinky Friedman has met the expectations of the millions of independent and fed-up Americans who supported him in 2008 and the millions of delusional Democrats and Republicans who could not believe that then-Texas Governor Kinky, running as a third-party candidate, could become the Status-Quo-Buster-In-Chief. Yet he did, despite all the tactics used to thwart his candidacy, and without any Supreme Court decision. Admittedly, my views are shaped by the fact that I have always supported Kinky.

Though much of America remains in a state of shock and awe, Kinky's supporters keep muttering "I told you the country was ready for a real shakeup." End-day believers have been left disappointed that life still goes on. Religious-right christocrats are still praying and sobbing over a cigar-chomping, joke-cracking JEW sitting in the White House. Academics and mainstream media pundits keep pontificating about the downfall of Western Civilization. Radio and TV talk show hosts are having a terrific time, though President Kinky refuses to let senior administration officials appear on talk shows. Meanwhile he keeps his campaign promises. His administration shuns corporate whores and shills now without access and influence. Office space along the K-Street corridor in Washington, D.C. is plentiful and cheap after so many lobbying and law firms closed shop.

Because of his leadership Congress finally passed a Clean Money-Clean Elections law, taking virtually all private, special interest money out of all campaigns for federal office. It worked wonders in this year's mid-term congressional elections, especially for third-party candidates. And voter turnout was an amazing 85 percent! Congress now has 154 members who are not Democrats or Republicans, 135 in the House and 19 in the Senate. Congress will be launching a major effort to reform House and Senate rules to finally recognize the end of the two-party duopoly rule that for so long defeated true American democracy ideals.

Every time President Kinky gives a talk in front of Congress in the Capitol or from the White House the television audiences break all previous records. When the camera closes in on him, untold millions of working- and middle-class Americans feel comfort that someone they can trust is working hard to rejuvenate American democracy and bring fairness to our economy. It has helped that President Kinky used the bully pulpit to force Congress to up the minimum wage to a decent level and tie it to cost of living increases and to any increases in congressional salaries. President Kinky keeps ending his speeches with "May the God of your choice bless you," and his poll numbers remain unbeatable.

Many of President Kinky's cabinet and staff choices have given his presidency credibility. Bill Moyers as his Chief-of-Staff was a stroke of genius, as was Tom Friedman for Secretary of State. Rudy Giuliani as Attorney General was another home run. New York Times columnist Bob Herbert as Secretary of Education surprised many, but has turned out very well. For Secretary of Defense President Kinky reached out to many former generals and admirals and came up with General Barry McCaffrey, who has done what so many had only been able to talk about - true reform of the entire Pentagon system. Paul Krugman as Federal Reserve Chairman at first shattered Wall Street, but now has been shown to be another stroke of genius. Al Gore as Energy Secretary pleased almost all environmentalists. Ralph Nader as Secretary of Labor was a most generous choice, finally giving Ralph the policy platform he so richly earned. Making former California governor and vegetarian Arnold Schwarzenegger Secretary of Agriculture added partisan balance to his cabinet. Offering the United Nations ambassadorship to long-out-of-work Joe Lieberman was gracious. And talking Bill Gates into becoming Health and Human Services Secretary was a true achievement. For Homeland Security the selection of Tony Blair was inspired, though it took a special act of Congress, to allow the former U.K. Prime Minister to fill the post. What a joy it has been to have such an articulate person speaking to the public. When he and President Kinky are together, listening to them is mesmerizing. Long-term federal bureaucrats first faced considerable challenges, but now are ardent supporters of President Kinky.

And just as he promised he would only serve one term as Texas governor during his 2006 campaign - though he could not resist the pleas of so many independents and true progressives to run for the presidency in 2008 - he has repeatedly insisted that he will not run for reelection in 2012. That is now motivating Democrats and Republicans to invent new lies to recoup power, but polls keep finding that public support for Kinky remains at incredibly high levels - at 75 percent or more since taking office. President Kinky's continued loyalty to the stylized language and clothes that defined him for decades has helped maintain his credibility. As a surrogate first lady he selected Angelina Jolie (once married to Brad Pitt) and they make a visually stunning couple.

Internationally, President Kinky has garnered vocal support from developing countries and the Arab world because of his forceful condemnation of preemptive wars, and trade agreements that favor industrialized nations. Maybe it was his on-the-ground Peace Corps experience that has given him an easy-going style of reaching out to third-world nations. When he replaced the war on terror with the war on economic injustice, he received worldwide praise. For the first time in many years, most of the world now LIKES the United States. In fact, more Americans like their own country! Better yet, with more humor coming from the White House, the American people generally feel more upbeat and positive than they have in many years.

All this has helped show America and the world that, like Ronald Reagan, a former entertainer can make a great president. Who would have thunk this possible back in 2006 when Kinky worked so hard just to become Texas governor? Almost everyone admits that President Kinky makes that other former Texas governor who became president look like a complete joke - George W. Bush now cannot even make a buck giving speeches or writing books. But he has a highly paid position with the Carlyle Group, just like his father had.

This is today's big question: Is there another independent outsider and truth-teller that can run in 2012 to replace President Kinky? Let the Democrats and Republicans keep squealing on talk shows. America is back on track and having more fun than ever!

[Joel S. Hirschhorn's new book is Delusional Democracy - Fixing the Republic Without Overthrowing the Government; he can be reached through]
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Joel S. Hirschhorn is the author of Pandemic Blunder: Fauci and Public Health Blocked Early Home COVID Treatment, Delusional Democracy - Fixing the Republic Without Overthrowing the Government and several other books, as well as hundreds of (more...)

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