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If at first you don't secede...

By Bob Minkus, author unknown  Posted by Joan Brunwasser (about the submitter)       (Page 1 of 1 pages)     Permalink

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Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that
includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan,
Illinois and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We
stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get
Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and
Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get
percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower
the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war,
we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you
people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're
willing to send to their death for no purpose, and they don't care if
don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish
success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing
spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the
country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and
lettuce, 92
percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality
(you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese,
percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal,
living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister
plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs),
percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes,
90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists,
100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,
Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
we're discussing the death penalty or laws, 44 percent say that
evolution is
only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61
percent of
you crazy s believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
grow in Mexico


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Joan Brunwasser is a co-founder of Citizens for Election Reform (CER) which since 2005 existed for the sole purpose of raising the public awareness of the critical need for election reform. Our goal: to restore fair, accurate, transparent, secure elections where votes are cast in private and counted in public. Because the problems with electronic (computerized) voting systems include a lack of (more...)

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