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Mary Matalin, Larry Craig, and Normal People

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Message Catherine Fenton

   I’m just so disgusted with all of the late-night comedians making jokes about Senator Larry Craig, and the constant mocking of him on the internet. Mostly from left-wing bloggers. As if they didn’t have anything else to worry about. Hello? It’s September. Normal people aren’t thinking about Senator Craig, sorry to disappoint you, left-wing bloggers.

   Of course, just those two words, "normal people" leave left wing bloggers completely flummoxed. They don’t know what normal people are worried about or thinking. Who does know exactly what normal people are thinking, about Larry Craig, and a host of other issues? Mary Matalin. I know, after I said it, it seems so obvious. "Of course, Mary Matalin," you’re thinking, "she would know what normal people are thinking." Mary Matalin, former assistant to President Bush and former counselor to Vice President Cheney. The first White House official to hold that double title. Mary Matalin, former co-host of "Crossfire" and currently running a conservative publishing division of Simon & Schuster as well as advising the Fred Thompson "campaign" if you’ll excuse the grandiose word.. Big expert on normal people. As I found out from watching this past Sunday’s Meet The Press.

   According to the MTP transcript, Mary Matalin used the phrase "normal people" four times, "normal person" once, the phrase "as a normal person" once, and informed us "I am a normal person" once.

   So what do normal people think about Larry Craig?

   "The first thing normal people thinks are—think are, "What? Is—this is a family tragedy." The second thing they think is, "Why is everybody in Washington glued to this? And can’t—and don’t you guys have something better to do?" And thirdly, I didn’t listen to the tape, I didn’t watch any of this, but the people that I talked to are not particularly Craig fans, or critics, said, "That sounds like entrapment. Don’t the cops have better things to do than tap dance in bathrooms in the airport?" I’m just telling you the normal person view at the end of all..."

   Ok left wing bloggers? Normal people are not thinking about politician’s penises. Sure, they might have been during the Clinton years, but they have moved on to more important issues, like wondering why the cops don’t have better things to do. After all, isn’t there a Democrat getting a consensual BJ from a woman, in a non-public place, somewhere? If normal people have moved on, why can’t you? Could it be you need a psychiatrist, left wing bloggers?

   Further, these left wing bloggers, have really twisted the Craig incident. God forbid they should do some research. Find out what the Senator was really doing in the bathroom that day. A little something normal people like to call "journalism."

   So of course it was left to me. Don’t worry about it left wing bloggers, I can afford to take a day off from fighting the war on terrorists and Democrats from my keyboard, to do your job.

   What did I find? Well, quite a bit, I don’t mind saying. How about this article, right on the Senator’s website, entitled "Where’s the beef?"

   "Back in the 1980s, the Wendy's restaurant chain had a very successful commercial campaign, in which an elderly woman ordered hamburgers from various fast-food restaurants. Time and time again, she was disappointed, and repeatedly asked, "Where's the beef?"...Sadly, nearly eight months into the 110th Congress, Democrat leadership leaves a lot of us asking, ‘Where's the beef?’"

   I am so tired of the "Democrat leadership," and just as tired of the more correct, Democratic leadership. I too have spent long nights, plaintively wondering "Where’s the beef Democrat leadership?" But one man had the courage to walk the walk and set out to answer the question raised by the Democrats (and isn’t it always them?). The question normal people are asking themselves even now. "Where’s the Beef?"

   Senator Craig went looking for the beef. Actively.

   Did the "Democrat leadership" investigate what goes on in our airport bathrooms and the possibility that the beef they are so obviously missing might be congregating there? No, of course not. They are too busy obsessing over things normal people don’t care about..

   So who had to do it? Well, Larry Craig that’s who. And what did he find there? Well, in a stunning, first time success, he found some of that beef the Democrat leadership should be looking for. And when he tried to signal, in Republican morse code, "I found the beef" what happened? An undercover Democrat arrested him, claiming he was looking to perform oral sex on another man. Democrats...are their minds ever out of the gutter? Where do they get this stuff from? Sorry left wing bloggers, but that’s not how normal people interpreted what happened in that men’s room.

   Everyone knows that three swipes under the toilet stall is Republican morse code for "Call Boehner, I found the Democrat Beef"

   You can really tell that left wing bloggers and the Democrat leadership, don’t have a clue what’s going on in the real world. If you want to know what the normal people in this country are thinking, go to the party of Mark Foley, of Ted Haggard, of Senator David Vitter and Senator Larry Craig. Sorry left wing bloggers, but those people, and millions of normal people like them, aren’t thinking about penises in the airport bathroom, who’s getting their butts powdered and diapered by hookers, and the hypocrisy of Republican family values politicians.. As Mary Matalin, the exemplar of normal people says, "normal people—that would be voters—are just sick of this."

   Touche, Mary...touche.

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Catherine is a writer and the owner of a small communications company in NYC. Her work has appeared on CounterPunch, Buzzflash, Op-Ed News, and in print venues such as Newsday and Spotlight Magazine.
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Mary Matalin, Larry Craig, and Normal People

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