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'Tis the Season to Write Songs

By       Message Bob Patterson       (Page 1 of 1 pages)     Permalink

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Like all good Americans the World's Laziest Journalist has left a long stream of failed get-rich-quick schemes in his wake as he sailed through life. Every year at Christmastime we realize that a song about Christmas , will, with a bit of luck, deliver a royalty check every December.

Recently, Armstrong and Getty noted that the classic crooners become popular again with certain Christmas standards.

Presumably, Sid Vicious would become nostalgic listening to Bing Crosby's White Christmas. The WLJ has endeavored to hook up with a musician to collaborate on a perennial Christmas tune. There are at least two efforts to have a song titled Christmas in Jail so why not go it one better and write Christmas in San Quentin?

Is there a market for a tune "I'll Jihad at Christmas"?

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One of the highlights of our excursion in Australia was listening to Johnny Cash's album Live from Folsom Prison in the record finder store in Fremantle W.A. The farther you get from Folsom, the better the album sounds.

Generosity and sentimentality are required themes for a new Christmas standard. Naturally, cynics are pushed to the brink with all the Christmas tunes but then along comes New Year's and they can start with a clean slate.

Various and sundry get rich-quick-schemes from the past will provide fodder for future columns. It is sufficient at this point for curmudgeons to remind themselves that every schmaltzy tune is a reminder that with some musical talent and a little work they could have insured themselves with a lifetime supply of royalty checks at that time of the year when money is in short supply.

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Pop tunes provide rich Google bait opportunity for pundits. We think for this season Peace, Joy and Love that "Men Who Stare at Goats" should replace "It's a Wonderful Life". We think it could challenge "The Big Lebowski" as a pop culture favorite. Summer inter has heard that George Clooney is going to run for Governor in California - is acting before becoming governor becoming a California tradition?

The hot rumor at the Amalgamated Conspiracy Theory Factory is that the group will name radio pundit Alex Jones as their choice for "man of the Year".

"Son of a b*tch" is a new song about stopping drinking. What's to prevent it from becoming a recurring melody on the air at Christmastime?

The holiday season is jam packed with distraction and time consuming chores. We'll jump the gun and wish all our regular readers a Happy Holiday Season. For those who are looking for a worthy charity to support, we will humbly suggest the Miami Project which is seeking to find a cure for paralysis.

We'll be back next year with the usual cynical comment about the inevitable election of Jeb Bush. Until then, talk radio will try to convince voters about a indisputable choice to commit their obligation to help choose the nation's next leader. We tend to compare the process to a magician "forcing" a card on a volunteer from the audience. It's a trick! The choice is never in doubt as the volunteer picks the card that the magician has preselected . It's fun and entertaining and keeps journalists and pundits employed. Stay tuned.

Now the Disc Jockey will play Elvis' "Blue Christmas" and Bing's "White Christmas" and "O ,Tannenbaum" .

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Have a bountiful holiday season.


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BP graduated from college in the mid sixties (at the bottom of the class?) He told his draft board that Vietnam could be won without his participation. He is still appologizing for that mistake. He received his fist photo lesson from a future (more...)

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