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The Compatible Odd Couple

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Message James Nimmo
Heteros Tasting Their Own Medicine

(OKLAHOMA CITY) I'm compatible with Sally Kern! Yup, you read it right. Though Kern and I are polar opposites religiously, politically, orientationally, and educationally, I'm compatible with Oklahoma GOPer Rep. Sally Kern and her newly introduced HB 2279 which, if passed, would not allow incompatibility to be used as grounds for a divorce between opposite-gendered (of course) adults.

Kern, who has hyperventilated while sniffing in gay and lesbian closets has now turned her big nose to sniffing between the sheets of the hetero marriage bed.
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Preexisting conditions such as minor children in the household, a marriage of ten years or longer, or written objection by the other spouse would prevent using incompatibility as grounds for an Oklahoma divorce.

I'm so compatible with Kern over her non-divorce bill I could be the son she almost had. Not only that, I'll see her bet and raise her one.

This being Oklahoma, the third hole in America's bible belt, I wouldn't bet the rent on this bill dying in committee, the fate of most of the worst of Okie legislators's submissions. Therefore, I'm proposing a bill that would take Kern's aspirations a step higher.

Since a judge, in effect, examines the two people engaged in a divorce proceeding to see if at least one of the parties has sufficient grounds for divorce, why not have a judge examine the proposed bride and groom at the beginning of the procedure when they apply for an Oklahoma marriage license? Why not head off any incompatible marriages before they become incompatible divorces?

In my bill, the hopeful newlyweds would have to prove to the examiner not only their undying love for each other but also have to prove their financial prospects are propitious, their religious beliefs are rooted in the christian bible, their educational backgrounds are conducive to a lifetime of constructive pillow talk, and above all, both parties are willing and able to produce children as fast as physically possible. A failing grade in any of these aspects would disallow the issuance of the marriage license.

If Kern wants to meddle in straight people's private affairs just as she's meddled in gay people's affairs shouldn't she be willing to fully insert the police power of the state right from the beginning of a proposed marriage? In fact, Kern should revise her divorce bill as a state question needing approval from the voters. If marriage is so important that it must be denied to same-gender taxpayers, as it is in Oklahoma, why not let straight voters police themselves?

As a staunch and starchy "kern-servative", as she bills herself, shouldn't she be strong enough to impose the state government into all aspects of married life? She claims her bill will alleviate many of Oklahoma's societal ills. She proclaims "...[I]f we could reduce divorce in Oklahoma we would also reduce our prison population and welfare rolls while benefiting families and children. That's a goal worth pursing." (This link includes the text of the Kern bill,

She continues, "If we can lower our divorce rate, our quality of life will improve and we will also reduce the need for many state services in this time of budget shortfall, freeing up money to go to core services such as schools and roads."

Who knew that keeping children in a warring household with two unhappy parents was the solution that would help reduce Oklahoma's budget deficit? Again, Kern is using children as a shield for her schizophrenic view of privacy. Remember in 2009 she proposed and passed a legislative resolution objecting to a United Nations project to protect children from violence. If she wants to protect children from the harms of divorce, why is she against protecting children from violence? (

Remember the joke that was going around concerning the mock acceptance of same-gender marriage? It went something like, "Why should gays and lesbians be spared the pitfalls and expense of married life?" My new version of that joke is, "Why should straights be spared the intrusiveness of Sally Kern poking her nose into their marriages or divorces?"

Or here's another joke, this time from one of Kern's heroes, Ronald Reagan. In one of his speeches, he said poking maliciously at government programs, "I'm from the government and I'm here to help you." Isn't Sally Kern from the government? Is she here to help you?

Among many religious fundamentalists and political conservatives (But I repeat myself) there is the thinking that America is an exceptional country. Now I know what they mean by that. They're saying "America must play by the rules I set down, but when it's convenient, I get an exception."

In Kern's case she claims an exception for her divorce bill and its intrusive meddling in the private matrimonial affairs of adults.

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James Nimmo is active in progressive issues and believes no one should be denied their equality because of the accidents of birth and circumstances.
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