That kind of doublespeak deserves a place in the Hall of Fame of Cowardly Language, alongside President Bush's claims of "Weapons of Mass Destruction" and President Obama's description of war in Libya as "kinetic action."
The TSA, of course, has mastered the art of Orwellian doublespeak. This is the agency that insists it does not "confiscate" anything from air travelers. Instead, those travelers all "willfully surrender" their pocket knives, decorative souvenir globes and other items that the TSA steals from them and then sells for a profit.
So, you see, in the language of the TSA, they never really "molest" anyone, although if you or I did the same thing they do on a routine basis, we would be charged with molestation. Somehow, when government employees commit these crimes, they are excused from the law by simply changing the words they use to describe their crimes.
The TSA is lying, of course
The TSA's announcement that it will stop molesting little children is, of course, an outright lie. The agency already announced the same policy change late last year but kept on molesting children anyway. The simple truth of the matter is that if we are relying on the TSA to police itself, then we're all fools -- we should be arresting TSA agents right now for the crimes they are committing against innocent children (and adults).
The TSA remains a threat to the states and has already threatened to enact an economic blockade against the state of Texas if lawmakers there outlaw the TSA's lewd groping pat-downs.
Now the TSA is renewing its tyrannical threats against the state of Texas, which has reintroduced legislation that would outlaw the federal government's molestation of innocent travelers. As PrisonPlanet.com reports, the TSA is once again saying "it will take legal action to prevent the law being implemented, indicating that the government could once again resort to threatening Texas with a blockade that would impose a de facto no-fly zone over the state."
TSA logic makes your head spin
Why does the TSA grope little children and reach down their pants as part of a screening process? TSA head John Pistole claims that terrorists might use 10-year-olds to carry bombs onto airplanes. While that possibility may at first sound alarming, consider this: the U.S. government hires TSA employees with the IQs of four-year-olds to reach down your pants, and that's far scarier. I'd rather fly with a 10-year-old bomber than a TSA nincompoop any day. At least you can try to negotiate with the 10-year-old. TSA agents, on the other hand, are cognitively incapable of processing logical language. You can prove this to yourself by attempting to reason with one of them at the airport about the bottle of water you're trying to get through security. (Good luck with that...)
It's not that they don't try to invoke cognitive function from time to time, however. In a recent Senate hearing, John Pistole whipped out his linguistic Jedi mastery skills and declared, "We need to use common sense." This brilliant realization nearly blinded onlookers who wondered whether "common sense" would include checking infants for poop bombs in their diapers.
Common sense, you may recall, has been banished from the TSA ever since 2008 when a brown-skinned individual hid some common sense in his pocket and tried to set off a common-sense info-bomb at the airport. Clever TSA agents discovered the common sense, confiscated it and then swore a vendetta against it ever since. Now, you can't even bring common sense with you on an airplane. If you try to actually use common sense -- for example saying things like "Hey did you realize this radiation scanning machine is also irradiating YOU workers all day long?" -- you are immediately rebuked and treated as some kind of terrorist.
The TSA hasn't actually stopped any terrorists from blowing up airplanes, by the way, but it has managed to create a nationwide common sense-free network spanning every major airport in the USA. Leave your brain at home, folks, because you're only allowed to pack one 3-oz. bottle of liquid and a single mental thought on any given flight. That thought must be one of blind obedience to a police state agency that insists it has the supreme power to finger your anus, fondle your cockadoodle and backhand your hoohah, all with the feigned justification that comes from uttering the "T" word... "Terrorism!"
TSA: where morons and perverts go to find employment