Dear Donald:
I was all set to stop writing about animals, to wit, sheep, when you just had to drag me back into this "animal farm" thing. Thing is Bro, I'm very, very (you might say "bigly") concerned about you. Your reflex penchant for meltdowns is not a very good thing. In fact, it's "tremendously" discombobulating for me and I keep thinking ( and having nightmares) about animals, in particular sheep and their bleating, bleating ad bleating.
Since we, and I mean "we the people," elected America's first Black president in 2008 (even though I'm sure you did not vote for him; so you're in the minority), you and people like Rudy Giuliani, Mitch "turtle face" McConnell, and most of your Republican colleagues have been working overtime to make him fail. Your "birther thing" was a study in delusion, stupidity and borderline lunacy. But they, Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush, Chris Christie, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson and the whole elders of the Republican Party allowed you to beat you chest and shove your racist memes at out president. They said nothing and sheepishly tittered behind their hands.
Ole Cecil Turtle Mitch even said that he was going make it his life's work and duty to make President Obama "a one-term president" as if he -- not the American people - was the Great American Decider-in-Chief. Well, we all know where all that hot air and mouthing off got him. And now you, Donald, are making the same kind of mistake that made the Republican leadership become a national embarrassment and laughing stock.
Then there's my newfound hatred, no "dislike," of sheep and their wool.
Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full!
One for the master,
One for the dame,
And one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.
But I have to tell you Donald that I don't particularly care for sheep. You know, a ruminant quadruped woolly mammal considered to be largely unintelligent (sorry, my definition, Donald). Besides they bleat too much for my liking, thank you. You Donald, remind me of sheep. A jacked up, crazy, running amok, butting-everything--in-sight-ram-sheep. You go with the flow, just as sheep do when plodded. On cue, you make the right bleating noises, just like all sheep do. You're not the brightest bulb in in the flock, a grave disadvantage when dealing with other independent minded and assertive types who don't like plodding. And you're sometimes stupidly stubborn and unable to see reason when butting and behaving ignorantly is pointless or even self-defeating.
For the love of Mike I can't understand your behavior. Man, you are lurching from one scandal to another and making some pretty eyebrow raising statements along the way. When it comes to sheep: No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid. Ah, Donald Trump quotes. We can always rely on you for providing us "gullible Americans" with the most ridiculous, stupid and outrageous statements that often result in a feeling of immense anger/frustration/disbelief and the tendency to just reflexively giggle uncontrollably. Either that or just start reaching out to Jim Beam and guzzle into a self-induced stupor like there's no tomorrow.
Your incessant nonsensical bleatings demonstrate that as all sheep your love the sound of your voice and think it beautiful. Political sheep live in a parallel universe -- one that we ordinary humans cannot hope to comprehend or enter. So it's no surprise that since announcing your candidacy for President of the United States, we've been treated to even more ridiculousness a holdover from your days as businessman and TV personality.
Yes, yes we know. You quite like being on screen because you've got a massive list of film and TV cameos (bit parts) including "Home Alone, Sex and the City, Zoolander, Two Weeks Notice and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air." Now here's some of the crap that have you in trouble - again. Maybe you "ate something bad" and it gave you a chronic and long affliction to using your mouth as a substitute for another part of your anatomy more conducive and suitable to waste management and expulsion. Hey, what do I know? I know I don't like sheep.
"An 'extremely credible source' has called my office and told me that Barack Obama's birth certificate is a fraud"
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