I am in a mens group.
We meet every month.
Our consensus intention is
That we speak our truth
Or share whatever "is alive" for us.
There are twelve of us but
When we meet in circle
There might be just 5 or 6 of us.
Sometimes we meet at a yurt at
The home of one of the men
Or someone else in the group
Will host at their place.
Every group is structured the same:
We gather around sunset, spend a few minutes
Greeting each other,
Then we smudge with sage.
(Most of us have been smudging
For years. This is a progressive rural Vermont town afterall
And smudging [a traditional Native American practice
For settling, or I say "combing" the energy],
Though not commonplace, is not considered
Weird or exotic, but is welcomed.)
We stand in a circle and smudge each other,
One by one, going clockwise.
After smudging
We return to our sitting circle (around a fire or candle)
And we drum for about ten minutes.
If smudging settles or "combs" our energy,
Drumming focuses us and
Helps us be more present.
After our drumming
We speak gratitudes, in no particular order,
To the fire, or the moon, or the planet or the forest,
And always "bring in" the ancestors
And whatever individual,
Living or dead,
We might wish to honor
Or bless, by, in a way, expanding our circle to include them.
(Sometimes I bring in my deceased father.)
Then we compose ourselves in silence
And the oldest member places the "talking stick"
Somewhere near the center (by the fire).
For the rest our time together
We take turns holding the stick
But, again, in no particular order,
Speaking our truth to the group.
Every man is expected to hold the stick
Even if it just to say a few words
Or to excuse themselves from sharing.
If they don't want to speak
There is no pressure to explain why..
We have one chance to speak
And when we hold the stick
We can speak for as long or short as we like.
When we aren't speaking
We are listening with absolute focus.
There is no comment or judgment, just listening.
Sometimes a man will murmur an affirmation.
(I can't find a word in the English language
For this sound, which comes from lower down in the voice box
Like "ummm", but we might also say "ho"),
To let the speaker know that we are struck
Or especially moved
By something they shared, but otherwise
There is no sound at all except the voice of the speaker.
When everyone has had a chance to share,
We fall silent to honor what has been said,
And wait for the host to suggest that we say our "ohms"
(If smudging is a practice we learned from Native Americans,
Saying Ohm together is an Eastern practice.
Ohm is an ancient sanskrit word that is considered,
By many Eastern religions
To be the primal sound,
The "seed" sound of all creation.)
We stand in a circle, one more time, shoulder to shoulder
With our arms around each other's shoulders
And voice three ohms,
Each ohm generated by one long exhale.
And when it comes out,
It is as much a vibration as a sound.
And the collective sound that is produced
Is not 6 or seven ohms,
But one complex and rich tone that tapers off
At the end, as each man runs out of breath.
After our ohms, we hold space for a few moments.
As the circle relaxes and we let go of each other
The ritual part of our gathering is over.
After that it is usually dark except for headlamps.
We gather our drums and folding chairs
And walk to our cars,
Sometimes lingering to talk quietly
Enjoying the afterglow
Of having sat together in circle.
The unspoken feeling is that we have
Done something that is real, and very old
And very healing.
It doesn't necessarily solve any problems
And we don't necessarily hang out together
In between groups,
But the healing and solidarity is undeniable,
And it is cumulative,
That much I can attest to.
Each group is like deja vu in the best sense of the word.
Every time we gather we are back to sharing an experience
That is trustworthy, focusing, affirming, inclusive and expansive.
-- -- -- -- "..
I have made this offer before;
And it stands:
If you want to start your own men's group
I would be happy to help with that
Because I am convinced that men
Need to get back to sitting in ritual circle like this
And really listen to each other
In the presence of the ancestors.
