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Joe the Plumber for President

By       Message Adam Bessie       (Page 1 of 1 pages)     Permalink    (# of views)   3 comments

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Joe the Plumber for President

Tonight, McCain and Obama talked about Joe the Plumber, and how their respective economic plans would affect him.  After hearing about his situation for five minutes, I am fully confident that Joe the Plumber should be considered seriously as a Presidential Candidate.

Joe is outside the beltway.  In fact, he is so far outside of the beltway that he doesn't know what a beltway is.   Joe thinks the beltway has something to do with a car's engine, and is thinking that he might need to check his Toyota Tundra tonight, to make sure it's working properly.

Joe makes Sarah Palin look like an elitist.  She has actually been elected to an official position, which clearly disqualifies her as a regular American.  The facts are: most Americans have never been elected to an office. Look it up on Wikipedia. 

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Fortunately, Joe has never been elected to an office.  Not a national, state, or local office.  He hasn't even been elected to the PTA, nor has he ever managed a single person.  Joe has absolutely no leadership experience, and is proud of it. He is the most regular American in our country, as the PEW pollsters recently found in a national survey.  He knows almost nothing about the world beyond the 15 square miles outside of his county, which ends at the Arby's on HWY 8. Joe thinks politics are bullshit, like most real Americans.  In fact, he didn't even know he was used as an example on national TV, as he was busy fixing his beltway.

But Joe Knows.   He knows, intimately, how real Americans live.  He works with them.  He lives with them.  He cleans the sh*t out of their toilets.

And just as Joe the Plumber unclogs the plugged toilet, so will he unclog the plugged toilet that is Washington.   Washington is clogged with sh*t, and Joe has the Everyday man's approach to fixing it.  The Washington elite, who have advanced degrees and knowledge of the Constitution, don't know how to unclog the toilet. 

Joe Knows.

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Joe is a real maverick.  He is such a maverick, that he broke the fascist laws that forced him to pay parking tickets.  He is also a maverick in the plumbing community:  He wasn't afraid to oppose the water-proof camera, a pork-barrel technology which doesn't really find leaks any better than a good old metal snake. And just as he opposed this, so will he oppose the pork-barrel projects, such as funding for teachers and social workers.

And on November 4th, write Joe the Plumber in.  He needs your votes, because he can't vote for himself--his beltway needs a tune-up.


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Adam Bessie is an assistant professor of English at Diablo Valley College, in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is a co-wrote a chapter in the 2011 edition of Project Censored on metaphor and political language, and is a frequent contributor to (more...)

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