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Jesus Will Still Think You're Fat: The Crazies Will Continue In 2015.

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Says Gwen Shamblin
(Image by Rev. Dan Vojir)
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Unfortunately, so will Sarah Palin.

In Andrew Sullivan's list of the most hathetic (opposite of pathetic - since it's derived from hathos, not pathos), the below video cropped up as #2 for 2014. It was made by diet "guru" Gwen Shamblin earlier this year and proves that the crazies will always be with us.

The fact that Shamblin's "ministry" - Remnant Fellowship Church - continues to post videos at all (and continues to make money ) shows us that the things we laughed at in 2014 will probably still be around in 2015.

Hopefully to a lesser degree, but don't bet on it. Pat Robertson, for example, is still living. He brought us AIDS rings of the 70's, demonic Halloween candy and pleas from people to his son, Gordon, to take him off the air to no avail. Crazies, like the poor, we will always have with us.

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Harmless, right?

Unfortunately, people we think no one is listening to will still be around because SOMEONE is listening to them, if only on FOX News. And the people who listen to them have access to guns, the ballot box, and social media . The media also makes the "harmless" go viral by publicizing inanity (I confess my guilt here). Stupidity is, after all, very entertaining and can be used against the stupid if used sparingly, but this being a free country (although so many say that we have lost our freedoms), we are bombarded with stupidity whether we like it or not. Mark Twain's "Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand," may become moot.

An America constantly starved for entertainment, with a fascination for the inane, will always focus on the "harmless" crackpots: the media loves them so...

E.W. Jackson - tells black and Hispanic voters Democrats secretly hate them. Jackson was introduced to the public during the 2012 elections with some people (mainly himself) calling him the "future of conservatism in America." He was also the only guest on Victoria Jackson's show to make Victoria Jackson look intelligent.

Rick Perry - quoted Jesus to justify income inequality. Ever since his call to prayer back in 2011, Perry has been trying desperately to get the Christian Right to endorse him wholeheartedly. Unfortunately, Rick Santorum outstage him by attempting to buy votes during an Iowa primary. The CR loved him for that.

Ted Cruz (in response to Apple CEO coming out as gay) - "Those are his choices. I tell you, I love my iPhone."* Hailing from Rick Perry's Texas - a state impaired by questionable political I.Q.s in the last thirty years - Cruz promises to be the gift that keeps on giving to late-night pundits.

Sarah Palin - "Mr. President, the only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke." Palin's quotes are still brought to you by her pay-as-you think channel, but nobody seems to know if it still exists. Oh well, as long as she can stage a brawl, she will probably be in someone's limelight.

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Pat Robertson - told viewers that Obama was "implicated" in the shooting of two NYPD officers. While he's called for the assassination of public a official before, we can only hope that he will call for Ted Cruz to be burned at the stake for inept politics.

Steven Anderson - Jews don't actually believe in the Torah. Anderson has been on an gays-Jews rant forever (well, it seems like it) and he is now producing "documentaries" to prove his points: the latest is that AIDS is truly a scourge from God sent to eliminate gays. Evidently, God is not as powerful as all that since gays are still here.

Glenn Beck - "Satan's mentally challenged younger brother" (Stephen King). Beck has earned himself the title of "king of conspiracy theories" even though he disavows it. People loving cockeyed theories from a blackboard, however, will make sure that he's around for years.

Rick Santorum - "...accept what God has given to you" rape victims should make the best of a bad situation." Long-suffering victim of Dan Savage (coining the neologism of "santorum") will most likely attempt to stab at a primary or two (if he can buy one - see Rick Perry above).

Michele Bachmann - "Our movement at its core is an intellectual movement." So very many malapropisms come from Bachmann, it's hard to think of the political landscape without its fool: she has stated that after her term, she will still be involved in politics. No word as to whether or not her husband Marcus (aka "Ladybird") will be in attendance.

Ann Coulter - "I will not be shooting any Black Panthers this week because I am Kwanza-reform, and we are not that observant." Miss Coulter will be using the year 2015 as a twelve-month hiatus from humanity - as usual.


Pastor James David Manning (on why Starbucks coffee tastes good): "My suspicion is that they're getting this semen from sodomites." New York's embarrassing wacko pastor will be coming out with more offensive church signs and alienating everyone, even the rightest of right-wing Christians.

Dr. "Chaps" Gordon Klingenschmitt - wants to kill liberals. The newest member of the Colorado legislature will prove that pot can be a health benefit: it can alleviate the pain of Dr. Chaps' inane harangues against gays.

More Of The Same?

New faces in the field of crazies are sure to come in 2015, but for the time, America has to be content with the crazies it has created these past years. Politics and religion are slow machines and production is hard and painful. We'll have to be content with retreads for the time being.

*Even Pat Robertson thinks Cruz is insane.

 

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http://sacredcowsmakethebesthamburgers.blogspot.com
Rev. Dan Vojir is has been writing/blogging on religion and politics for the better part of ten years. A former radio talk show host (Strictly Books €" Talk America Radio Network) and book publisher, Dan has connected with some of the most (more...)
 

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