It's official, Orwellian nonspeak is now the established political language of the nation. Why, it should be a mandatory requirement for all incoming high school freshmen. Johnny, why weren't you in class yesterday? "I was dealing with overwhelming environmental pressures that precluded my ability to attend," meaning it was a nice day and I didn't want to go to school.
Ben Bernanke, the nation's highest ranking non-elected official, was interviewed by Sam Donaldson for ABC. He said the U.S. recovery probably won't quickly bring down the unemployment rate, which is likely to stay "high for a while." Oh, where should I start?
Bernanke said, "The unemployment rate is still going to be high for a while, and that means that a lot of people are going to be under financial stress." The only one high for awhile is Bernanke; this is nothing more than Orwellian nonspeak for, "Beats the hell out of me!" See, you're not hungry or unable to properly take care of your children or to find a job. You're just under financial stress much in the same way the Titanic victims were under water stress.
"This is your captain speaking. Due to an unanticipated maintenance failure in both engines we will now begin accelerated landing procedures."
Just think how much better the world will be when we are all allowed to lie with grace and style. "Now, now, Cynthia, I'm not breaking up with you. We'll still be together; you just won't see or hear from me anymore."
And they ran Nixon out of town. Today he would be forced to sit at the children's table, unfit to sit at the big table with the grown-up top quality liars. So let's take Bernanke's statement and translate it into Simpsonese.
The Homer translation: "Economy bad, we're doing good!"
Depth of the recession? How deep is deep? How deep is the ocean?
"The recovery is moderate paced." Moderate paced like Mike Dukakis? Moderate paced like a Ford Escort?
"Your horse just finished last in the Kentucky Derby. How do you explain that?"
The Homer translation: Give away free money to the banks because they're friends of Mr. Burns and everything will be great because they don't want to put the banks under financial stress because Mr. Burns wouldn't like it.
"The jobless rate, which fell to 9.7 percent last month from 9.9 percent, was 4.6 percent at the start of the financial crisis in August 2007," said Allen Sinai, chief global economist at Decision Economics in New York.