Enhancing the Bush Legacy (or) Crazy Times Demand Crazy Explanations
[Note: This column is a work of fiction presented as a brazen attempt to win praise from Bill O'Reilly for outstanding journalism.]
Like a shipyard crew that is scrambling to get everything in perfect shape for the launching ceremony, historians, Fox News Journalists, campaign contributors, members of the military, and adoring fans (with a few notable exceptions among the ranks of the most curmudgeonly of the Democrats) are making the last minute adjustments to the glorious achievements of the Bush Administration: the economy is markedly different from the shambles that President Clinton left behind and victory is close at hand for the two wars. Wouldn't the Democratic Presidential candidate love to step in at the very last minute and claim responsibility for the victory that will be celebrated next Easter. (For Republicans, the possibility that the Democrat candidate will get elected in November is similar to imagining that, in early 1945, rather than FDR starting his fourth term in office, the GOP candidate was sworn in weeks before Germany was defeated. The Democrat would claim all the glory for the wins that Bush had engineered.)
Rather than face reality and grudgingly recognize Bush's marvelous list of accomplishments that have been racked up in the preceding 7 ½ year, the Democrats regard for Bush is now in free fall like stock prices during the 1929 Market crash.
Instead of thanking President Bush for what he has done in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Democrats are acting as if the situation has blown up in their faces and knocked the country off course.
President Bush capitalized on Ronald Reagan's program of glasnost and established a warm personal friendship with Russia's Vladimir Putin and it is not difficult to imagine those two buddies going fishing together in Montana after Bush's term in office is complete.
The cocky Democrats think that for Senator Obama, this election is unloseable, just like the Titanic was unsinkable. http://www.sterlingandross.com/>Sterling and Ross Publishers' plan, according to their web site, to have the book "DEMBACLE: How the Dems Lost the Unlosable Election"- by Anonymous available in some (New York City and?) bookstores, the day after the election.
If, in the last election, President Bush hadn't sidestepped the Democrats' attempts to divert the public's attention to the War in Iraq and promoted the battle against gay marriage as the centerpiece of his campaign, today President Kerry would be the guest of honor at weddings for various Hollywood gays.
There is a venerable parable that aptly describes the explanation for the wide disparity in the various assessments of the Bush Era that have begun to appear as the specter (haunting Texas?) of the inauguration of a new President, approaches.
Six blind Hindus (journalists) were brought into the presence of an Elephant (Bush legacy) and they all touched a facet of the beast's body and then described the animal which they could not see. One of them touched the tusk and declared that it was just like a sword. Another explored the ear and pronounced that it was just like a leafy plant. The one that touched the leg thought that an elephant (GOP symbol) was just like a tree. Another moved his hands all over the side of the elephant and demanded: "tear down this wall!"- The man who touched the elephant's trunk concluded that it was a close relative of the snake. When the blind Hindu, who worked for the Liberal Mainstream Media was finished, he concluded that the Bush Era stank and was soft and mushy.
Democrats, who are a mean nasty bunch of ingrates, would have all America believe that Bush's legacy could be symbolized by the story of the Emperor's New Clothes and that his treatment of American workers could be summarized by the old punch line: "This afternoon the Emperor wants to go water skiing!"-
Democrats who falsely accuse Bush of War Crimes could easily be flummoxed. The President should grant pardons to all Republicans who helped him send troops into Iraq in response to a distress call and then should institute a probe of the Democrats on charges of being collaborators.
Could recent high level negotiations between representatives of Karl Rove and the Vatican mean that the day after the inauguration of a new President, the Pope will, for the first time in history, canonize a living person (Dubya!) and the Oklahoma land rush style trend to pronounce history's verdict on the former fighter (actually it was an interceptor and therein lies an important distinction) pilot will have begun. As part of the deal, could the next President provide a quid pro quo and have the Supreme Court dismiss all those pesky allegations involving priests in return for the canonization?
Speaking of the next President, why have Washington insiders nicknamed Gov. Sarah Palin, "45"-?
Being a Republican gloating over the long list of Bush's (or "43's"- as his family would put it) accomplishments gives them the same warm glowing feeling that Tina Fey's agent must get when he negotiates any further appearances on Saturday Night Live for his client.
If Senator McCain needs more money to help convince TV viewers that they should not consider him The Bush Junta equivalent of a substitute (just as Rudolf Rassendyll was substituted for the real king in "The Prisoner of Zenda"-) but, rather, should be perceived as the American version of Lawrence of Arabia; then why doesn't he just sell stock certificate-like shares in his candidacy to the public? Isn't everyone looking for hot stock tips this week?