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Dear Dubya (We'll Always Have Guantanamo)

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Message Tim Cerantola

President George Bush has become a lot like that last guest at the party who doesn’t know when the party’s over and it’s time to leave. I’m sure most of us have experienced a guest like this. All the other guests are long gone, but this one keeps hanging on, lingering at the door and making irrelevant small talk - stretching his goodbye until it’s almost painful.

My point is, until his term is up in three weeks, George Bush should just shut his mouth and stop making an even bigger ass of himself. It’s very clear that Barack Obama has the confidence of the nation. Someone has to get the news through George’s thick skull that it’s time to lay low and continue working on his phoney-baloney legacy of greatness before he does any more damage to the country.

Back in the early years, it was common for polls to find Bush to be among America’s most popular presidents, although recently, his approval ratings tell a completely different story.

A majority of Americans (72% CNN/Opinion Research – December 19-21/08) have woken up to the reality that George isn’t the sharpest tool in the White House shed. Most people are now looking forward to the day Bush leaves office with enthusiasm.

Granted, some Republicans and their shameless, corporate-owned, kiss-ass, bootlicking media still love their Bush. but do the math. If 72% of Americans think George stinks, that number must include a sizable group of Republican voters.

Anyway, maybe America could slip him the hint by holding a ‘You Stink!’ rally in Washington?

Or perhaps Americans should take a direct approach and take their feelings to the airwaves with a full scale “Go Away George - before you break any more stuff” TV ad campaign?

Better still, perhaps America should take a more traditional approach and write George a “Dear Dubya” letter. (I hope you don’t mind but I’ve already drafted one up for you).

Dear George,

I hope this letter finds you in good health and not hitting the bottle too heavily. We are all – well actually less, fine since you took over here in middle class America.

OK George, there is no gentle way to come out and say this. And, I know this is going to sound unfair considering how well you’ve done in those ABC News job rating polls (68% disapproval rating ABC/Washington Post 11-14/08) BUT, there is no other way to break it to you other than to come right out and say it:

George, we’re very sorry, but we don’t love you anymore. We feel the time has come that we should start seeing other Presidents. We are very, very sorry. No, it’s not you, it’s us. (OK, it is you. GO AWAY!)

Sure, those first few years we spent together were wonderful, or at least bearable. And, we have many fond memories of our times together. But in the last year or five, we’ve felt that we’ve grown apart…

That’s why we’ve decided to see someone new; someone who is more sensitive to our needs; someone who really listens to us; someone who wont destroy our basic freedoms and rights, or rewrite our beautiful constitution and treat it like a meaningless piece of paper, or ignore us when our city is destroyed by a hurricane, or illegally eavesdrop on us, or have our military waste their lives fighting in a farce of a war designed to make your rich pals richer, or lock us away in freedom of speech cages, not to mention having us doused down with tear gas and pepper spray should we disagree with you.

We know this probably comes as a bit of a shock to you; you have always been such a good ole boy, a guy we’d like to have a beer with and generally speaking, a very good President (to your cronies, the corporations and the obscenely rich). For this, we will be forever up to our pie holes in debt, I mean grateful.

Oh Dubya, sometimes, when we remember back to some of the kooky, crazy things we did together, we can’t help but chuckle. Do you remember the time when you made up all those stories and told us we would all die in a nuclear war if you didn’t attack Iraq?

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Tim Cerantola's humour and political satire has been published in over 25 magazines and newspapers. When he is not pretending to be a writer, he works at a real job working with autistic and special needs children.
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