[Note: <B>Conspiracy theories, like astrological forecasts, should be read only for their entertainment value. They belong in the file labeled: "fictionalized speculation."</B>]
When the <a href =http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=click here;imgrefurl=click here;usg=__Oo69s5ul60HR42Farel-aYxK0Ks=&h=460&w=350&sz=12&hl=en&start=5&itbs=1&tbnid=Ik_OtbFcZmg6zM:&tbnh=128&tbnw=97&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dayatollah%2Bkhomeini%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D20%26tbs%3Disch:1> Ayatollah Khomeini</a> shot to the top of the current events chart for his shenanigans in Iran, it seemed to this columnist, like we had seen him before. One day while plowing through our massive collection of totally irrelevant cultural events file, we stumbled upon a photo of
<a href =http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=click here;imgrefurl=click here;usg=__BBjkrBJen7eP89Bg3P5ns1a-f2A=&h=279&w=228&sz=9&hl=en&start=39&itbs=1&tbnid=iLpRV3HA5ndPWM:&tbnh=114&tbnw=93&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhoward%2Bhughes%26start%3D20%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D20%26tbs%3Disch:1>Howard Hughes</a>.
Voila! It wasn't just one of those identical twins separated at birth things; it was a "same guy, different photos at different ages" type deal (IMHO). Just compare a photo of the Ayatollah and one of Hughes. Note the similarity of the folds in the ears, the nostrils, and the eyes. Eliminatory, my dear Watson, it's obviously the same guy in different stages in his life.
We asked around. No one had ever seen Howie (we used to live in Marina del Rey, which has Hughes Aircraft as an adjacent neighbor) and the Ayatollah in the same room at the same time.
"Lois, have you ever noticed how Clark Kent always misses being able to write an eyewitness account of Superman's greatest feats?" Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink. If you know what we mean.
We tried our best to pedal our theory to the mavens of contemporary American culture but alas we garnered as much attention as a voice crying in the wilderness would.
If a conspiracy theory (CT) is to flourish, it has to be theoretically possible. You can't go for stories about the captain of the Titanic being found 60 years later with his pipe still lit. You have to cook up something that just might squeak by on a level of marginal feasibility.
We went back to the drawing board.
James Dean and Elvis were rumored to be still alive long after their deaths had been reported in the news media. So we asked our self: How much documentation was there for the death of Che Guevara?
What if he had promised to turn states evidence and rat out his amigos in the Cuban Revolution in return for amnesty? Could he have been taken in to the "Witness Protection Program" and given some phony ID and a few bucks to start life over after allegedly being "shot down in an attempt to flee"?
We came up with a mental image of Che being on a city council in a small University somewhere in California and fighting with the college kids. (Gosh now that we live in such a city, maybe one of these Tueday nights, we should skip Qi Gong class and attend a city council meeting?)
We ran this bit of unsubstantiated speculation past a high school buddy, several years ago, and he did his best to refute our theory. He reassured us that he personally had seen a photo on the desk of the guy who worked next to his that showed Che dead on the ground. Our good buddy mumbled some esoteric exotica about JM/Wave, Ted Shackley, Phat City, and the like as his evidence to substantiate his claim that Che was buried in Bolivia.
We countered that this guy, whom he called Felix Rodriguez, was most likely in on the ruse and had agreed to pose with Che's prone figure for the photographic proof that the revolutionary had been mortally wounded while attempting to flee. (Didja know that in the days of B&W movies Hershey's chocolate syrup was often used to simulate blood?) In return, we asserted, Che spilled the beans about such things as the kidnapping of Juan Manuel Fangio and other historic Cuban events which preceded Fidel's putsch.
Now that photoshopping changes are readily available to any photographer with the bucks to buy the program and a lap top where he can run it, photographs are (to the best of our knowledge) no longer accepted as evidence in any court proceedings.
We used to work with an ad sales rep who, we adamantly asserted, used an assumed identity that had been provided by the witness protection program folks. They had assisted her in the efforts to erase all traces of her life as "Eva Braun." She did a Dr. Strangelove-like denial of the idea.
Our efforts to dabble in a one man plot to concoct something that would be described as a cutting edge conspiracy theory that belongs in the Conspiracy Theory Hall of Fame pale in comparison to what we have recently found on online. We were Googling around with things like "Blond Ghost" and "Dealey Plaza" when we stumbled on the most outrageous conspiracy theory we've ever encountered in a lifelong fascination with conspiracy theories for fun and profit.