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Conspiracy Theories for fun and profit

By       Message Bob Patterson     Permalink
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[Note: <B>Conspiracy theories, like astrological forecasts, should be read only for their entertainment value. They belong in the file labeled: "fictionalized speculation."</B>]

When the <a href =http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=click here;imgrefurl=click here;usg=__Oo69s5ul60HR42Farel-aYxK0Ks=&h=460&w=350&sz=12&hl=en&start=5&itbs=1&tbnid=Ik_OtbFcZmg6zM:&tbnh=128&tbnw=97&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dayatollah%2Bkhomeini%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D20%26tbs%3Disch:1> Ayatollah Khomeini</a> shot to the top of the current events chart for his shenanigans in Iran, it seemed to this columnist, like we had seen him before. One day while plowing through our massive collection of totally irrelevant cultural events file, we stumbled upon a photo of
<a href =http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=click here;imgrefurl=click here;usg=__BBjkrBJen7eP89Bg3P5ns1a-f2A=&h=279&w=228&sz=9&hl=en&start=39&itbs=1&tbnid=iLpRV3HA5ndPWM:&tbnh=114&tbnw=93&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhoward%2Bhughes%26start%3D20%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D20%26tbs%3Disch:1>Howard Hughes</a>.

Voila! It wasn't just one of those identical twins separated at birth things; it was a "same guy, different photos at different ages" type deal (IMHO). Just compare a photo of the Ayatollah and one of Hughes. Note the similarity of the folds in the ears, the nostrils, and the eyes. Eliminatory, my dear Watson, it's obviously the same guy in different stages in his life.

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We asked around. No one had ever seen Howie (we used to live in Marina del Rey, which has Hughes Aircraft as an adjacent neighbor) and the Ayatollah in the same room at the same time.

"Lois, have you ever noticed how Clark Kent always misses being able to write an eyewitness account of Superman's greatest feats?" Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink. If you know what we mean.

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We tried our best to pedal our theory to the mavens of contemporary American culture but alas we garnered as much attention as a voice crying in the wilderness would.

If a conspiracy theory (CT) is to flourish, it has to be theoretically possible. You can't go for stories about the captain of the Titanic being found 60 years later with his pipe still lit. You have to cook up something that just might squeak by on a level of marginal feasibility.

We went back to the drawing board.

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James Dean and Elvis were rumored to be still alive long after their deaths had been reported in the news media. So we asked our self: How much documentation was there for the death of Che Guevara?

What if he had promised to turn states evidence and rat out his amigos in the Cuban Revolution in return for amnesty? Could he have been taken in to the "Witness Protection Program" and given some phony ID and a few bucks to start life over after allegedly being "shot down in an attempt to flee"?

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BP graduated from college in the mid sixties (at the bottom of the class?) He told his draft board that Vietnam could be won without his participation. He is still appologizing for that mistake. He received his fist photo lesson from a future (more...)
 

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