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A Little Talk With Myself

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A Little Talk With Myself

February 2, 2011


I don't want to hear that progressives want mandatory health insurance because they don't want some slackers to pay five or ten times as much for ER care as they would for a regular doctor visit.   Don't tell me that they're making health insurance mandatory so that every poor schlub is covered because it is the right of all citizens to have first class healthcare.   If they gave a damn about first class, affordable healthcare, they would negotiate fair prices for Medicare and Medicaid and not pay off their favorite lobbies with those extra hundred and fifty billion in graft every year.   Republicans wouldn't let the insurance companies try to keep one hundred percent of their premiums as profit, paying off state insurance commissioners to   automatically raise premiums whenever their investments made less than their premiums.


The main reason we need an honestly run, government sponsored national healthcare system is to enable our industrial base to compete with the rest of the world!   At the current pace of soaring medical insurance rates, insurance companies may end up, someday, with more than fifty percent of our earnings.   If Republicans manage to "tax" your employer heavily enough, maybe he can furnish half of what would have been your salary for your health care.   That is the way Republicans designed the system, stupid.   The companies that Republicans pretend to represent are supposed to pay for healthcare for the vast majority of the population of the entire country.   The rest of the population is supposed to scramble for token, almost worthless health insurance coverage, either in desperation or to avoid punishment by progressive Democrats.    As long as you don't call the mandatory insurance payments by the manufacturers, large corporations and small businesses and other employers "taxes,"   Republican dupes won't mind paying twice as much as they would under a well run single payer system.


Don't forget that time when Jesus met with Mitt Romney in the Mormon Tabernacle [1] and told him to "render unto the Lord what is His," but not to worry about Caesar because the business community would pay the healthcare tax for just about everybody.   In fact, Jesus reminded Mitt: "Don't worry about education taxes, property owners can pay for almost a hundred percent of those expenses.   And, don't worry, we won't have a legitimate gasoline tax like every other country, to pay for roads or to build functional public transportation.   It's ludicrous to tax the people who use the roads and the transportation to maintain those things, I mean we're Republicans.   We don't believe in taxes, even if they're uh... whats the word?   Oh, yes:   "progressive taxes.'   I seem to remember someones mentally challenged grandfather saying that there's no such thing as a good tax."


"Don't you think you're being a little one sided, just talking about Republicans," Mitt reminded Jesus.   "You know very well that I am never one sided," Jesus quickly replied.    "I've dealt with liberals before.   In fact, that's why the authorities murdered me in the first place.   In those days I was considered a liberal.   You don't have to be a Democrat to be open minded, you know.   I talked to your father not too long ago, one of the best liberal Republicans who ever lived.   He asked me to say hello to you."


"Getting back to the Democrats, they've been taken over by some well meaning "crazies."   Apparently they have mentally challenged grandfathers too.   They expect me to turn speech into money the way those judicially retarded judges (can I still say that?) on your Supreme Court did a few months ago.    They haven't killed anybody lately, have they?   I've had a lot of experience with evil judges, you know.   Anyway, they need a miracle to pay for their healthcare bill and they think I'll deliver it!   Haven't they ever heard of the old saying: "G-d helps those who help themselves?'   They want to raise corporate and long term capital gains taxes, even though it will cost even more jobs.   They're so angry at the rich that they want to raise only their taxes even though it amounts to only a pittance in the grand scheme of things.   Heaven forbid they raise taxes on everybody only 1%, knock off a few unwarranted military contracts and apply the difference to the national debt. The extra trillion dollars realized when the interest rate on the debt gets lowered, seems so "meaningless to the mindless,' I always say.   Instead, did you hear how the interest rate on the debt went up a day after the economically challenged in both parties failed to raise taxes at all and failed to cut any military contracts?   Instead of saving almost one and a half trillion dollars and raising the value of the dollar, the fools lost almost two and a half trillion dollars.   Mitt, take my word for it, even a miracle can't save these guys!"


"So what can I do?" replied Mitt, really frustrated.   "Even I'm not sure,"   Jesus replied, trying to comfort his poor willing servant.   "I think you'll have to become a Democrat!   There's no way your uh... "conservative' party will support a Mormon.   In fact, you probably would have been president a long time ago if you had been a Democrat.   Any intelligent candidate, like you, could have beaten that poor brain dead child that your party managed to sneak into office.   Lucky for him, Eric Holder couldn't prevent Jeb Bush and Kathrine Harris from switching thousands of innocent black people to the rolls of felons, depriving them of their right to vote in 2000, some problems with his buddies in that law firm behind the scam.   Then in 2004, they fixed the voting machines in Ohio and Florida.   Too bad they had to kill that IT expert who was supposed to testify against Karl Rove, Ken Blackwell and the rest of their gang.   I decided to let him go to heaven, poor guy.   Mostly, he was mixed up, but his heart was in the right place-trying to keep babies from being aborted.   Rove, Blackwell, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz; things are going to get pretty "hot" for them, however, and a lot of others.   I'm still trying to figure out what to do with that troubled soul that they sneaked into the White House."


"Did you know, that poor child talked to me every day!" Jesus assured Mitt.   "I did my best to answer him.   I even warned him that Al Qaeda was going to attack sooner or later.   It was so obvious!   Even that rogue sinner, Clinton warned him, but noone in his whole administration paid any attention.   Then, all those Saudi Arabians attacked the Twin Towers and the child and his psychotic advisors decided to attack Afghanistan and Iraq.   I was so frustrated that I even contacted Siggy Freud.   I mean, I'm G-d and even I can't get through to the poor guy!   I tried to tell him not to start two meaningless wars, not to lower taxes at the same time, not to pilfer the Social Security Fund and not to deregulate everything poor Ronald Reagan hadn't managed to.   I kept begging him "to talk to his father,'   Bush 41, but he kept insisting he talk with my father.   I tried to explain that, somehow, I'm my own father and that all he had to do was listen to his own father, but sadly, he never understood a word I said.   He tried to talk to "an even higher father' or some such nonsense.   I know he was a colossal screw-up.   Siggy explained to me that if I had furnished him with the requisite number of brain cells, even after the alcohol and drugs, he would have had enough higher brain function to run the country.   I think I'll keep him away from Rove and those Neo-psychotics.   Maybe your father and his friends can help him someday in Heaven."

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Dr. Allen Finkelstein, writing since 2006 under the penname “O’finky,” was born in New York, where he attended the Hebrew Academy of Nassau County as a boy. He continued his religious training in South Florida until his family, (more...)

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