Each of those sacred "spaces" available in different kinds of relationships -- whether it be between friends, or mother and child, Mother Theresa and the poor of Calcutta, or whatever -- is likely to have its own qualities.
In the case of "lovers," the inclusion of an essential sexual/romantic dimension would suffice to make that "sacred" space different from those others. Which is related, I would suggest, to why there are issues of "fidelity" (meaning exclusiveness) that tend to be applied to the relationship between lovers in a way not true of other kinds of relationships.
So yes, many sacred spaces are worthy of celebrating. And the special qualities of each are worth exploring as well.
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Philip Kanellopolous:
Your statement that civilized cultures "have inflicted on their members wounds that diminish their capacity for wholeness in human relationships" feels particularly poignant. It explains so much of our larger broken world, but also our individual experiences of relationships in it.
Perhaps most of us, though with differing innate potentials for love, have been wounded to some degree in our capacity to create sacred interrelational spaces by this unnatural civilization. What a monumental tragedy when magnified throughout the global population and throughout the history of such social creatures!
Personally, I dimly sensed in childhood some kind of battle being waged between my nature and society, a troubling disconnect between the nurturing relationships I felt I needed, deservedly or not, and what the world offered as normal and right.
Many of us were taught as a matter of course that in such conflicts and unsatisfied yearnings, the fault lies in our fallen natures. In youth, my personal battle escalated terribly, resulting in an uncommon brain injury but also in what I suspect is an all too common intolerance to human contact.
If the insults, injuries, humiliations, and frustrations of civilized life lead more generally to our fortifying emotional barriers between ourselves and others -- "Build that wall! Build that wall!" -- certainly it's no wonder that our world is so troubled and that the ideal of the sacred space of lovers isn't more common.
However, inherent in your present insight is the faith that, if we do succeed in creating a more wholesome world, our relationships will, by our very nature, much more commonly approach the ideal you've described. And if the insight is widely understood, what a wonderful inspiration for us all, with faith in our natural humanity, to create that better world.
If I may offer my humble opinion, you're in your element illuminating so profoundly for the rest of us these issues of the larger picture of who we are, of a better human story.
Andy Schmookler:
Thank you, Philip, for being willing to share your own painful experience of how brokenness in the environment in which we develop, can impede our access to the "sacred spaces" for which our inborn nature would equip us.
I hope that you have found it possible, in the years since your injurious experiences, to heal some of those wounds and move toward greater fulfillment.
I would also like to commend the way you bring in "Build that wall!" in this context. An illuminating move, very insightful.
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