Article: The Sacred Space of Lovers (Third in the Series, "A Better Human Story")

The common wisdom is that the fire and magic of romantic connection fades with time. But there are couples who have found that, as the song says, it ain't necessarily so.

So, in the belief that some wisdom of value can be gained from the testimony of those couples who have found a way, not only to prevent their space as lovers from fading in value, but to make it deeper, more fulfilling, even more magical over long stretches of time, I've begun interviewing such couples. (Any couples who have realized this possibility in their own long-term lovers' relationship, and are willing to discuss with me how their relationship has grown richer, are invited to contact me at andybard|AT|shentel.netEmail address .)

Among the questions I'm asking them are what have they learned, over the course of many years, about how

To increase the love between them; and/or
To become more intimate and open together; and/or
To increase the sexual and romantic connection between them; and/or
To deepen the level of commitment in their relationship; and maybe
To bring all these dimensions together)

But here, in the context of "A Better Human Story," I will confine myself to only those aspects of "The Sacred Space of Lovers" that help to reveal the nature of "the good" that is an inextricable part of our humanity, and that contribute to the "Better Human Story" that is my purpose here to tell.

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Wholenesses Converging into a Greater Whole

In looking for something in our lives worth celebrating, one could of course have chosen other positive dimensions of our experience:

One could choose the experience of giving and receiving kindness among people. But of course, in the ideal of the relationship of lovers, such kindness is a basic element of what is given and received.
One could choose those moments in our lives when we are moved by beauty. Oh wait, this is part of what can go into making "the sacred space of lovers," as lovers tend to perceive the beauty of their beloved, and to have their hearts moved by that perceived beauty. (In the words of the Rodgers and Hammerstein song, "Do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you?")
One could choose to celebrate the value of honesty and authenticity in human interaction, that solid foundation of people's connections being in alignment with the truth. But this, too -- the cultivation of honesty and trust -- is part of the means by which lovers can create such a wonderful place of trust and intimacy to inhabit together.
One could choose the dimension in human community where the arrangements and interactions honor the spirit of fairness. But fairness supports also achieving the ideal space that lovers can create, where each is inspired to make sure to do right by the other.
One could choose to discuss all those moments in our lives when our being is filled with a deep feeling that "this is sacred," whether it is the feeling that John Muir expressed in his radiant words about Yosemite or a special moment of experiencing a deep bond of friendship. But of course, the feeling of "this is sacred" is one that lovers can feel as all these dimensions of goodness in our human lives come together in that "sacred space of lovers." A space so many of us have yearned for and that many achieve to one degree or another.

That all these different dimensions of "the good" come together in "the sacred space of lovers" tell us two things:

1) it shows something basic about the nature of Wholeness, that the many components of the good tend to converge into something Whole; and

2) it helps to explain why it is that "the sacred space of lovers" is an especially rich source of human fulfillment, for it is an ideal comprised of elements each one of which we experience as being of great value.

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The Sexual Component

The idea of "Lovers" implies an important sexual dimension to the lovers' relationship. Being "lovers" is the human form of a relationship that goes back to way before we were human, even before we were mammals.

For ultimately, the roots of the connection between human lovers lie in our ancestral history of performing a vital task necessary for all living things: to pass along into the future the pattern of our living form.

Sex goes way back, and our ancestors -- going very far back along with it -- came together, male and female, one way or another, to produce the next generation.

All that is part of the heritage that goes into our becoming what we human beings now are.

Sexuality has been -- by necessity, because the survival of one's kind is at stake -- an important, powerful motivational force. And -- for natural reasons, because of how the selective process "engineers" motivation -- sexuality has been an avenue into a deep experiential level.

A powerful motivation means a space for powerful experience.

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