The kids then seem to experience a complete shift in how they were interacting with each other. They begin to play together, sharing legos back and forth. At one point, Rachel scoots over to Isaiah and pets his hair. They play happily like this for another 20 minutes.
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What happens if it does not work?
Although this simple framework is effective the majority of the time, sometimes kids are done playing together, need a nap, a snack, or a complete change of scenery. Sometimes one child still has something they have not been heard about, and you can try another round of Mutual Understanding. Or not.
If things are not working or escalating, you can always go back to your other tried and true strategies - ideally not finding "fault" with anyone but simply moving on.
Chances are, it will work better next time.
Kids are quick to figure out that this way is more satisfying and more empowering for everyone!
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
To receive announcements about future Peacemeal posts, follow Elaine on Twitter: http://twitter.com/eshpu
Read another Psychology Today blog post about Restorative Circles by Mikhail Lyubansky or by me (The Most Important Thing to Know About Conflict).
Learn how to facilitate deeper, painful conflict using the Restorative Circles process. Barter's last training in North America this year will be in Atlanta from October 28-31, 2010, with a one day overview on October 28 and a three day Restorative Circle facilitator training from October 29-31. I'd love to see you there!
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Elaine Shpungin, Ph.D. enjoys writing about her "peacemeal" attempts to create harmony one choice at a time. At the moment, she is a student of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and Restorative Circles (RC), a budding writer, a humbled parent, a work-in-progress romantic partner, and a director of a psychology training clinic for doctoral students in Clinical/Community Psychology.
Copyright Elaine Shpungin 2010
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