ASK YOUR FATHER IF HE IS ADOPTED. ASK HIM IF HIS WIFE EVER HAD AN AFFAIR. WHEN HE SAYS NO, SAY, “BOY ARE YOU EVER NAÏVE’!”
29)-For no apparent reason, buy a goat and begin taking it everywhere you go with you.
FOR NO APPARENT REASON ASK A PERSON YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE IF THEY KNOW WHERE YOU PUT YOUR SLIPPERS, THEN CALL A COP AND TELL THEM WHERE YOUR COUSIN SUE IS HIDING OUT. WHEN HE ASKS WHY YOU ARE TELLING HIM, ASK HIM WHY HE IS ASKING YOU.
30)- Make an appointment with a shrink. Wearing the same garb as your street ballet, when you get there just get comfortable, pull out a small note pad and pen, fix your gaze on him/her and stare. If they first, speak ask them in French if they think it is chic to go without undies and stockings. No matter what they answer, furrow your brow slightly in concern and ask quietly, "...and how does that make you feel?"
If they seem offended, draw from your cloak a bag of popcorn, with real butter and offer them some saying, "I am sorry I have nothing to offer you in the way of liquid refreshment, to go with the popcorn to allay the thirst, but I was ill-prepared to even offer the popcorn." Then, dramatically, fling the cloak over your shoulder like Dracula and beat a hasty retreat.
DO NONE OF THE ABOVE AND SEE WHAT THAT GETS YOU SMARTY PANTS!
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