I was thinking about becoming a Republican, but then I realized that using the Justice Department to prosecute political opponents and deny suffrage to people on the basis of race isn’t my definition of ‘justice’.
I was thinking about becoming a Republican, but then I realized that I don’t like the idea of people like Dick Cheney telling me which sexual orientation is okay, but applying different rules to their own daughters (and, of course, themselves).
I was thinking about becoming a Republican, but then I realized that arrogance is not very pretty.
I was thinking about becoming a Republican, but then I realized that stupidity is even less pretty.
I was thinking about becoming a Republican, but then I realized that arrogant stupidity is the least pretty of all.
I was thinking about becoming a Republican, but then I realized that polarizing the country in order to win elections, especially after a major national crisis, is a shameful thing to do.
I was thinking about becoming a Republican, but then I realized that I actually believe in the rule of law, and that it should be applied to all, not just us working stiffs.
I was thinking about becoming a Republican, but then I realized that I don’t want to be even remotely associated with the guy who is without doubt the absolute worst president in over 200 years of American history.
I was thinking about becoming a Republican, but then I realized that I’d have to explain to rightfully enraged future generations how my party blocked any solution to the global warming that is wrecking the planet.
I was thinking about becoming a Republican, but then I realized that, forty years later, I’m not running around still angry about the Sixties. In fact, I rather liked the Sixties.
I was thinking about becoming a Republican, but then I realized that I want to hurl when I think about Halliburton raking in over $20 billion from no-bid (and apparently also no-work) contracts, while American troops still don’t have sufficient armor, all while my would-be party constantly hides its broken policies behind the welfare of the troops. As if they actually gave a damn.
I was thinking about becoming a Republican, but then I realized that I don’t want anything to do with a political party that stood by watching while a major American city drowned.
I was thinking about becoming a Republican, but then I realized that Brownie really didn’t do a heckuva job, after all. And neither did Bushie, Dickey, Rummy, Ashcrofty, Albertoey, Powelly or Ricey.
I was thinking about becoming a Republican, but then – above all – I realized how much I utterly despise hypocrisy.
So, uh, now that I think about it, I guess you guys can keep your Grand Old Party, after all.
The truth is, I don’t see anything particularly Grand about it, anyhow.
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