How do you react to all the lawsuits against Trump by small business owners who weren't paid for their services and, in some cases, I think, went bankrupt? And all of the Trump University customers suing him and all those undocumented Polish workers who built Trump Tower who had to sue him to get paid? Do you think they're making it up or do you believe them? If they don't believe the allegations"ask" Are you assuming it's not true because Trump said so or did you check it out? (Note that some of the people suing him are Trump supporters).
There are several crucial elements in asking these questions without prompting defensive reactions, including (1) staying curious without any of your own agenda getting in the way; (2) keeping a relaxed tone and letting your voice come down at the end of the question instead of up; and (3) avoiding common (often unconscious) body language, such as shaking your head, shrugging, frowning or raising your eyebrows. Try not to squint, roll your eyes or wave your arms! Become an innocent, open-minded six-year old who doesn't have an agenda but sincerely wants to understand something--this stance, if genuine, can be very disarming.
Click here for a demonstration of Ellison asking the same question aggressively and curiously. Listen to what words she puts emphasis on and whether her voice goes up at the end of the sentence. Watch her eyebrows, hands and shoulders. Notice how you feel when the very same question is posed with a different demeanor. Now go practice in front of a mirror or with a friend.
Before approaching your Trump supporter, you'll need to do a little mental jiu jitsu to temporarily step outside of your desire to see Trump defeated. If you view the Trump phenomenon with horrified fascination, give the horror a rest and get in touch with the fascination. Let your curiosity lead you rather than your desire to win.
You desperately want to route Trump, I get it, me too. But I'm here to tell you that curiosity can co-exist alongside your political agenda and can be brought to the forefront during a social interaction. It's essential that you temporarily disable the part of your brain that wants to persuade. (Later, you can always go back to trying to overpower your opponent through the force of your superior intellect and morality and see if that works).
Stating your position:
If you are talking with someone whom you're not likely to see again, then you'll probably want to follow any questions you ask with a statement of your position. If you are talking to someone you know and will have future discussion with, you may want to take some time to think about how to express your own position. You might even find it easier to do this in writing than in person where things can quickly overheat.
Position statements can be used to share your own views or experiences that contradict any false assumptions you noted. Be careful to frame your assertions as opinion, not gospel, and be sparing in your factual citations. (Click here to watch Ellison make position statements, starting at minute 12).
Make it like a story, a description of what you've read, heard, think or believe and why, not like a statement of fact that counters their position. You're sharing your story of how you came to have the beliefs you have. (I know, you learned in college to assert your opinion forcefully and unequivocally, but forget all that for now because in real life that stance is highly off-putting).
Be careful with humor. Progressives loved it when Elizabeth Warren responded to Trump's threat to assassinate Clinton by calling him "a pathetic coward who can't handle the fact that he's losing to a girl." Warren's tweet is funny but throws gasoline on the fire, further enraging and entrenching Trump supporters and, potentially, provoking more verbal and physical violence.
Here are some examples of how conversations might play out, with Q&A followed by position statements:
You: May I ask you a question about something you mentioned yesterday?
Trump supporter: Okay.
You: When you said you appreciate it when Trump talks about making America great again, do you think that his vision for America looks to the past or the future?
Trump supporter: Um, a little of both I guess, I mean, there's plenty in our history to be proud of and we don't want to lose that with all these illegal immigrants coming in and changing everything.
From here, the conversation could branch off into any number of topics. Below are examples of non-defensive statements concerning job creation, energy, taxation, government regulation, trade policy, terrorism and how to make America great.
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