"I was strip-searched on suspicion of drug smuggling. But I wasn't smuggling drugs, I made that part up."
Which I did make up, of course. Artistic license, as I said. Who would be stupid enough to blog about smuggling drugs? Who would be stupid enough to believe it if someone did that? Well, her, apparently, but it seemed like a moot point. Especially since I was already obviously stupid enough to be blogging about lots of things I shouldn't have been.
Why do I say I'm stupid? Because although most of my blog posts are only read by a few hundred people, some of those few hundred people are apparently working for the government of New Zealand.
"What happened to you in Canada?"
I told her what she already knew. I was banned from Canada for a year, because I tried to get in as a tourist when really I was planning to do a gig at the Railway Club in Vancouver, which I hadn't gotten a work permit for. I lied to Immigration Canada about it. I knew better than to do that this time, but it didn't help.
"How much money do you have to spend in New Zealand?"
"A thousand dollars in terms of what's available in the bank."
"One thousand US dollars? You have to have three thousand dollars in order to enter New Zealand."
"I could have three thousand dollars if I took cash advances on credit cards," I replied, hopefully.
"Well, that would only be if you were coming in on a tourist visa."
So why did she ask the question about how much money I had then? Who knows.
Then the shoe finally dropped.
"You can't board that flight tonight, and you can't come to New Zealand until you get a work permit."
"Can I cancel all my gigs and come in on a tourist visa? If I don't fly to Auckland then I can't fly from there to Perth, or from Brisbane to Hong Kong, etc."
It's a bit of a cascading, chain reaction clusterfuck sort of situation. Buying a new plane ticket to anywhere I need to go will cost thousands of dollars.
"You can't board that flight. You're not welcome in New Zealand."
Which I did make up, of course. Artistic license, as I said. Who would be stupid enough to blog about smuggling drugs? Who would be stupid enough to believe it if someone did that? Well, her, apparently, but it seemed like a moot point. Especially since I was already obviously stupid enough to be blogging about lots of things I shouldn't have been.
Why do I say I'm stupid? Because although most of my blog posts are only read by a few hundred people, some of those few hundred people are apparently working for the government of New Zealand.
"What happened to you in Canada?"
I told her what she already knew. I was banned from Canada for a year, because I tried to get in as a tourist when really I was planning to do a gig at the Railway Club in Vancouver, which I hadn't gotten a work permit for. I lied to Immigration Canada about it. I knew better than to do that this time, but it didn't help.
"How much money do you have to spend in New Zealand?"
"A thousand dollars in terms of what's available in the bank."
"One thousand US dollars? You have to have three thousand dollars in order to enter New Zealand."
"I could have three thousand dollars if I took cash advances on credit cards," I replied, hopefully.
"Well, that would only be if you were coming in on a tourist visa."
So why did she ask the question about how much money I had then? Who knows.
Then the shoe finally dropped.
"You can't board that flight tonight, and you can't come to New Zealand until you get a work permit."
"Can I cancel all my gigs and come in on a tourist visa? If I don't fly to Auckland then I can't fly from there to Perth, or from Brisbane to Hong Kong, etc."
It's a bit of a cascading, chain reaction clusterfuck sort of situation. Buying a new plane ticket to anywhere I need to go will cost thousands of dollars.
"You can't board that flight. You're not welcome in New Zealand."
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