The answers to these crucial questions will require our coming together to lift each other and our culture into a place of mutual respect. And the first step in that journey involves moving away from shame.
How do we do that?
For one thing we need to start talking more openly about pleasure and consent.
Natalie Portman speaks at Women's March Actress Natalie Portman speaks at the Women's March in Los Angeles.
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Natalie Portman made an impassioned speech at the 2018 Women's March in Los Angeles, detailing one of her own #MeToo moments. She ended her speech by calling for a "revolution of desire."
I think she is right on and right on time!
People of all genders need to begin to speak as clearly and plainly about sexual desire and consent issues as we currently are speaking about sexual abuse and assault.
Only then can we begin to educate each other and ourselves about our mutual needs for safety, respect and sexual connection.
We need to engage in dialogue that is steeped in genuine curiosity about the experiences and perceptions of others regardless of their gender. For this, we may need to develop a new vocabulary.
Some questions we might entertain include:
Have you ever felt pressured to engage in sexual behavior you didn't want to participate in?
Was there ever a time when you felt like the person you were having sex with, wasn't all that into it? What did you say or do? How do you feel about that?
Do you know anyone who has dated a co-worker? Have you? Does that feel any different to you than a supervisor dating an employee? If so, how and why?
The list of questions we might explore in a judgment-free setting is endless. And now is the time to have these conversations. Clearly we have a lot to learn about each other and ourselves when it comes to sexual interaction and consent.
Since we have all been steeped in a shame-based culture, we don't yet possess all the tools we need to be able to speak about our sexual fears and desires. As we develop these tools, we can begin a dialog built on mutual respect, curiosity and empathy.
If we can leave the labels behind and start to converse with each other as humans --who can be educated when we need it, and healed when we are unwell -- we will begin to shift our current culture from one based upon confusion and coercion to one infused with mutual regard.
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