When my partner and I came together, I was five years from my earliest retirement date. This was difficult for me not being able to share with my peers anything about the love of my life. I evaded questions about what I did on the weekend or who I was dating. Keeping my private life and my professional life completely separate took much effort. Keeping the balance between the two became harder and harder each year. I loved being in the Navy and serving my country and would have found no greater pleasure than to continue with my career, but the burden of keeping my sexuality secret was too great. I elected to retire as soon as I was eligible.
When I retired from the Navy in 1991, my partner and I moved to Texas. I came out to my Navy friends who accepted me for who I am much to my surprise and relief. While getting graduate degrees at the University of North Texas, I spent 20-30 hours a week working with AIDS community organizations as a volunteer. I supported the Human Rights Campaign, especially their annual Black Tie Dinner in Dallas. As my education continued and I was able to begin providing psychotherapy to clients, I continued my volunteer work in that area. I felt the need to pay back to the gay community for all the brave men and women who had fought for my rights as a gay man. My partner and I went through a civil union in Vermont when it became legal in 2000. We went to Canada and married when it became legal there in 2003. And for the past 25 years, we have been able to forge a lasting relationship that I cherish dearly.
When President Clinton talked about an executive order in the early 90's to allow gays to serve openly in the military, I was excited. The resistance from Congress and the Pentagon, however, resulted in a new law known as Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Having been in the Navy for 26 years under the old laws, I initially thought this was advancing the cause. At least gays could serve and the military could not ask. I had thought that this was a temporary solution to the resolution of the problem and would be done away with in a few years.
As time wore on, I became more active in fighting for gay rights, I joined two organizations that supported gay and lesbian service members, the Service Academy Gay and Lesbian Alumni and USNA Out (the Naval Academy alumni organization). I joined my peers in writing letters to Congress, making phone calls for support of repeal, and making myself available to support active duty members who were living under this law. Don't Ask, Don't Tell just did not want to go away. In my efforts to publicize the stand for repeal, I published five articles about gays in the military in OpEdNews. But my small efforts were pale in comparison to those who went on television, testified before Congress, used the internet to organize, or stood up for themselves and were discharged for admitting who they were.
With a persistent, logical argument, supporters of repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell have prevailed. As of 12:01 Eastern Time on 20 September 2011, my dream of gays serving openly in the United States Armed Forces came true. But the fight for rights is far from over. The repeal of DOMA must be next. My civil union in Vermont that is now a marriage and my marriage in Canada must be recognized in all 50 states, not the 10 and the District of Columbia that it is now or downgraded to a civil union or domestic partnership in other states or simply not recognized as it is in Tennessee where we live now. Those active duty gay and lesbian service members who want to get married legally within the United States still have an obstacle in the way. The federal government will not recognize that marriage and their spouse cannot even get an ID card to allow them access to the base like heterosexual spouses get. Their spouses cannot access the privileges without an ID card; much less receive benefits from the government like heterosexual spouses.
The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) unfairly discriminates against the gay and lesbian population as well as the active and retired military personnel. It is time to repeal DOMA now.
(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).
1
