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Life Arts    H3'ed 11/2/14

Is It Possible to Parent Without Threats or Coercion?

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Mikhail Lyubansky
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When I was filming on Joel Salatin's farm, a little spark was ignited inside of me that kept growing and growing... Joel had been showing us how his farm works, and how everything he does follows a very simple but fundamentally radical approach. He said "if you respect the chicken-ness of the chicken, the cow-ness of the cow, then all falls into place." And what fell into place was earth-shattering. It was not only that the animals were happier and healthier. Or that the meat they produce was healthier and tastier. Good outcomes for sure, maybe even good enough, and certainly outcomes I would expect. But that was just the beginning. What Joel explained is that respecting the essence of each life-form lea to building more soil, which meant increasing resilience to droughts, capturing more CO2 (therefore fighting Global Warming), and, of course, increasing productivity (did you say more food? more money?) "How could such a simple act, such a limited focus, lead to such a far-reaching outcome?" I remember thinking. And then Joel said, "Can you imagine if we applied this principle to each other?" He turned to me and said "Are you respecting the Ana-ness of Ana?"

I've never stopped thinking about this question. What I think Joel was saying is that living authentically, being true to one-self, could have radical transformative and healing capacity for the whole world. This is self-care being redefined from selfish to world-changing. FRESH was about food but on a deeper level it was about shifting from seeing ourselves as separate from nature to being part of nature, to seeing the intricate inter-connectedness of all life. In doing so, you could start realizing the incredible responsibility you have to take your place in this web of life, because only when you do, can "everything fall into place."

Changing the world then really truly starts with oneself. When I became a mom, it also dawned on me that I cannot truly support my child in taking her place if I don't do my own work first. It's one of the most humbling lessons of parenting that you cannot teach; you can only model. And so my work continues toward knowing and accepting myself and maturing into the person I already am. Taking Our Places, in this sense, is a continuation of my work with FRESH, work that has to do with shifting our understanding of ourselves and our relationship with others.

Note: Part 2 of our interview is available here. Interested readers can also watch the Taking Our Places trailer and contribute to the film's Kickstarter campaign.

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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Mikhail Lyubansky, Ph.D., is a teaching associate professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign, where he teaches Psychology of Race and Ethnicity and courses on restorative justice.

Since 2009, Mikhail has been studying and working with conflict, particularly via Restorative Circles (a restorative practice developed in Brazil by Dominic Barter and associates) and other restorative responses to conflict. Together with Elaine Shpungin, he now supports schools, organizations, and workplaces in developing restorative strategies for engaging conflict, building conflict facilitation skills and evaluating the outcomes associated with restorative responses via Conflict 180.

In addition to conflict and restorative (more...)
 

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