My lord, I can't.
HAMLET
Oh come on, play something.
GUILDENSTERN
Believe me, I can't.
HAMLET
I beg you.
I don't know the fingering, my lord.
HAMLET
It's as easy as lying. Cover some holes, give it some
breath, and it produces music. (Shows fingering.) Here are
the stops.
GUILDENSTERN
But I can't command a melody, I don't have the skill.
HAMLET
Why then, how unworthy a thing you make of me. You would
play me; you would seem to know my stops.
You would pluck out the heart of my mystery, sound me from
lowest to highest note--and there is music in this little
pipe--yet you can't bring it out? Why would you think I'm
easier to play than a flute?
(Polonius enters.)
HAMLET (CONT'D)
(to Rosencrantz and
Guildenstern)
Call me whatever instrument you like, you cannot play me.
POLONIUS
My lord, the Queen wishes to speak with you right away.
HAMLET
(to Polonius)
You see that cloud over there? It's almost the shape of a
camel.
POLONIUS
So it is, it's like a camel indeed.
HAMLET
I think it's like a weasel.
POLONIUS
It has a back like a weasel.
HAMLET
Or like a whale.
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