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Very well... alone!

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What's a "double high?" Bob Altemeyer explains it all in his book... it's on line... and it's free. Open-source economics. Another story. If you think "organizing the masses" is the answer, think again. f*ck "the masses." Each one of us has to reach that point where we are beyond hope.

Picture the British soldier, shaking his fist toward Dunkirk. The caption reads, "Very well, Alone!” Like the Tommy in the WWII drawing, so many Americans feel isolated by what the UK Guardian called the 59 million who could “be so dumb” to continue the current administration. Our own country has become “Bizarro World,” and it’s all too easy to blame it on the “moral values” of “Conservative Christians.”

Dunkirk is a metaphor, and nobody’s going to get us off the beach. The political power of “Conservative Christians” fabricates a “cultural divide” based on “moral issues,” real enough to gin up fat contributions for the televangelists and other demagogues, but for the “reality-based community” such “meaningful identifiers” as “Conservative Christians” are a disservice to both conservation and Christianity. Say what?

We may think it simple to explain “Conservative Christians” to “Left-coast liberals,” especially if our roots are in Dominionist Crackerland where, according to demographics, votes and letters-to-the-editor, a significant part of the populace is “Conservative Christian.” Yet one meets very few “Conservative Christians” here because most who take that label appear to be neither conservative nor Christian. Why is this?

Conservation and Christianity are ideas too large to be trapped in an oxymoron that jams incongruous or contradictory terms together like: a “new classic”or“jumbo shrimp.” Yet incongruity packs the parking lot at the Golden Calf Church of Mammon with a Sunday morning choir of shiny SUVs dotted with “support the troops” magnets. Nonetheless, dismissing incongruity as hypocrisy misses the career-building cleverness.

These same SUVs on the way home from “church” lined up for miles, threatening to run down the struggling minimum-wage kids directing traffic at the gas station. That was the evening of 9/11/2001, when demonstrating our piety, patriotism, angst and anxiety meant we could profitably postpone our petroleum until after prayers. This was enlightened self-interest; being “team players” showing we are “on the same page.” United we strand!

Pay and pray delivers benefits to the “Christian Hoards,” gobbling saturated drive-thru fat theology supersized by handsome Pastor Hermen Neutics at the new Golden Calf facility complete with media center, educational test drill-field and flapping flags. With a “terrorist attack” to kitschify, “hoard the gas and kick some revenge” played much better than “turn the other cheek” at the Church of Mammon. It’s the “invisible hand” at work.

According to the Text, Jesus never said a mumbling word about abortion or homosexuality. He discussed at great length the misuse of scripture, hypocrisy, commercialism and greed. However, praying in secret conflicts with “school prayer,” so handsome Pastor Hermen offers a slightly different menu at the Golden Calf. Once again, “Free market competition” triumphs over “Godless Communism.”

We build more stately McMansions in walled suburbs while corporate rapine and military looting support the empire. This is nothing new. Philologists (they study Classic civilizations) call it “universal sycophancy.” It’s as old as the pyramids and exactly the same shape. Whether the singular individual at the apex is Pharaoh, Emperor, President or Sock Puppet matters not a jot or tittle. Write this down.

Our future survival in the pyramid hierarchy or universal sycophancy works like this: all we need to do is be complete patoot-kissing toadies to our immediate superior(s) because they have direct orders from the Sock Puppet. Now, apply the same rules to our subordinates. Brutally suppress them if they even think about questioning our direct orders. This system was thousands of years old when Christ was born.

We can profit modestly by interpreting Sock Puppet directives in terms of submission, bribes, and general lining of our own pockets. Naturally, being patoot-kissing toadies could damage our self esteem. We may feel like soulless fawning wimps because we are. But take heart—there is a remedy, and here it is: find objects outside our own personal pyramid, and we’re free to treat them like insects! SWAT Team!

Imagine the stimulating charge to our own personal power batteries aboard our own multi-million dollar empire war-toy with complete command to exterminate those outside-our-pyramid-infidels (who look remarkably human) like cockroaches! Future pantywaists may rob us of our invincible pension, but they’ll never be able to take the memories away. Heil Schoola! Boola boola! Make some moola! April foola!

Sorry. Being a bit polemic here, but I’m only trying to prepare us for the future. My current job is to provide a career-centric education, so be sure to think “outside the box” because they tell us that your future boss will value such things. Find a new, innovative and creative idea with a proven track record that involves no risk whatsoever. “Impossible,” you say? You’re not being a team player. Go Team! Number One!

It’s the “ownership society.” Slavery is obviously wrong. That’s why we own our chains, keep our own key, whip ourselves, and “compete” in “today’s competitive environment” whenever we are asked to facilitate detail-oriented team-player market-focused entrepreneurial vision strategies by multitasking custom-tailored solutions to create shareholder value. Freedom is on the march! All white! No starch!

Bloviate just enough such memetic effluvia to keep our rubber doughnut inflated, and we won’t miss the heads-up prairie dogs whiffing the winds of change at our own pyramid cube farm. If we don’t understand the last sentence, don’t mind it, that’s Pastor Neutics’ job. Just be sure they copy us on the memo so all can see we are righteous among Salad Bar Selection Committees at the Church of Mammon. Hey-MEN! Say it again!

Be sure to be seen of men pretending there’s something metaphysical inside the Sock Puppet, and complain about the “secular liberals” banishing God from society. Oh, would that be the Omnipotent Creator of all things that “they” can “banish?” Would you like to help the “reality-based community” blow the “Conservative Christians” a raspberry? Whoops—would this negatively impact your long-term career path?

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waldopaper is an insignificant teacher, informed reader and professional writer... living in dominionist crackerland... with two women, one young man, three cats and two dogs... alarmed at a failing state controlled by corporate psychopaths armed (more...)
 

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