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It's a Bipolar World

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I was recently inspired by David Lindorff's muse to add my own list of 20 reasons why I feel I'm uniquely qualified to be VP or have any other job based on Sarah Barracuda's logic:

1. I've dated beauty queens, therefore I'm an authority on intelligence and natural selection.

2. I have even surfed big waves. I'm sure to qualify as a hydrologist or dam (sic) engineer.

3. I could even be a dictator. At least as good as our current Dick Tator, aka Mr. Potato Head, Richard Cheney. (If it weren't for his pacemaker he'd be a vegetable too.)

4. I can turn on a light switch. I have confidence to be an authority on power plays.

5. I've killed and eaten rattlesnakes. Dealing with Vladimir Putin would be cake. He don't even have fangs.

6. I can brush my teeth and even go to the bathroom by myself. Being a bioweapons expert would be microbial in comparison.

7. I've been very unsuccessful at business. As a top executive I could run the country even further into the ground than our current CEO. It's a no brainer job. Having one is evidently a disqualification.
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8. I am very good at reading between the lines. With all that experience in dealing with space, I think I'm more than qualified to be an astronaut.

9. I've shot guns of all calibers. Heck, I can press a button and shoot off a missile just as easily as shooting off my mouth or pulling a nuclear trigger.

10. I'm an authority on money, credit, and cash flow because I have wallet. Managing the economy of a country is just a matter of deception.

11. I have a lot of friends no one else can see or hear. Therefore, I'm more than qualified at foreign correspondence.

12. The glasses I wear help me with vision. I can even see into the future. Not to mention being an expert at surveillance.
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13. You can fool me once, you can fool me, uh... with that kinda background I can be a world class fool.

14. I've had square offices and round ones. I can run an oval office just as easy. It's just plane geometry after all.

15. I know how to pop blisters and put on bandaids. Surgical strikes are just bigger blowups and coverups.

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Independent scholar, researcher, inventor, designer, musician, philosopher, and writer who just happens to live on one of the world's largest active volcanos. Needless to say, he is volatile. Politically he is a conservative who wishes to retain the (more...)

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