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EXPOSED: Official Game Rules of American Politics (satire)

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Editor's note: WikiLeaks just released excerpts from a top secret government document titled: "Official Rules and Strategies of American Politics". Most Americans don't realize politics is a game and like any legitimate game, it has official rules and strategies. Obviously our politicians don't want us to know the secret inner workings of this complex game. Outraged members of Congress urged the UK to storm Ecuador 's London embassy and arrest Julian Assange for crimes against humanity.

A senator on the Foreign Relations Committee angrily condemned Assange saying, "Releasing embarrassing video of a US Apache helicopter cutting innocent Iraqis to pieces with a 30mm cannon was appalling, but Assange has now gone way beyond the bounds of human decency." Despite several members of Congress threatening to use the Espionage Act against any media daring to publish these excerpts, our editorial staff decided Americans must know the truth.

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Official Rules and Strategies of American Politics (Rev. 9.11.01)


The game of American Politics is played by skilled politicians (called players), but controlled by an elite ruling class of oligarchs (called owners). The game is comparable in many ways to pro baseball, except there are only two competing teams (called Republicans and Democrats). Like pro baseball, 1) the players work for the owners, not for the people who finance the game, 2) the players are well paid (especially highly skilled players), but the big profits go to the owners, and, 3) like baseball, the big profits in American Politics come from the pockets of the masses of people observing the game (called fans).

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Like pro baseball, the owners (not the fans) get to choose the players. But in the game of American Politics, the fans occasionally get to pretend they choose the players through a process called voting. In fact, they only get to vote for an extremely narrow field of players pre-approved by the owners.

Many fans enjoy this voting phase of the game as much as the day-to-day game because voting is always great entertainment and fanfare (sponsored by mainstream media). During the voting phase, television "news" overflows with hilarious, pompous pundits, flashy productions of candidate "debates", and slick, deceptive, endlessly-repeating, 30-second political ads--all completely substance free for our entertainment pleasure.

After voting, the fans go back to simply watching the game being played. But unlike the voting phase, where the fans only pretend to participate, in the day-to-day playing of the game, the fans are true participants. In fact, the fans are the main participants since they are ultimately the source of the owners' big profits.

1.0 Teams

There shall be (only) two competing teams designated Republicans and Democrats. The two teams shall work together to prevent the organization of any independent teams that might work for the benefit of the fans instead of the owners.

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2.0 Ostensible Object of the Game

Using honest debate, the two teams shall compete to see which team can pass the most laws that benefit the most fans (the source of the game's big profits).

2.0.1 Actual Object of the Game

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Carmen Yarrusso, a software engineer for 35 years, designed and modified computer operating systems (including Internet software). He has a BS in physics and studied game theory and formal logic during his years with the math department at (more...)

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This piece is satire, but it features the essentia... by Carmen Yarrusso on Monday, Aug 27, 2012 at 11:46:16 AM
In light of the article, I would think one of your... by Mark Schlachet on Monday, Aug 27, 2012 at 1:56:45 PM
10.7 Purchase the ref... by zzz05 on Monday, Aug 27, 2012 at 5:24:52 PM
Enjoyable!... by thepiffler on Tuesday, Aug 28, 2012 at 12:24:23 AM
The fans love you when you are on the top, but the... by GLoLady on Tuesday, Aug 28, 2012 at 7:41:02 AM
Brilliant! I'm such a fan of this article ; )The s... by Don Caldarazzo on Tuesday, Aug 28, 2012 at 6:16:29 PM