Finally we have a plan. We tried torture, we tried raining bombs,
we tried reigning in Cheney. Nothing can win this war with the
public.
So now the Bush administration will try what worked so well in
World War II. No, not a legal war. They will try the fireside chat.
::::::::
Finally we have a plan. We tried torture, we tried raining bombs, we tried reigning in Cheney. Nothing can win this war with the public.
So now the Bush administration will try what worked so well in World War II. No, not a legal war. They will try the fireside chat.
Of course it will be a Republican fire built by Helliburton and if Bush doesn?t set himself on fire, I?m sure I?ll do it for him.
If only other leaders could have thought of this. Napoleon would have just said, ?We?d rather fight them at Waterloo than fight them in Paris,? and he?d still be in power today.
Custer could have won at Little Big Horn if only the public had supported him. He just had to sit in front of the campfire and told those insurgents, never mind that you outnumber us 20,000 to 15, we are winning.
But no, some liberal in Washington said, ?These guys are toast. ? And that just kept Custer from teaching those nasty Native Americans that we know more than they do about how to live in their homeland.
And what if King George III had a fireside chat? Why, we?d all be speaking English. All he had to do was change the reasons for the war, like our George did, and he?d be a hero.
Instead of, ?they?re?s our colonies and we must crush them, he could have changed it to, ?We are bringing them Democracy, and when they can protect themselves, we will hand over the sword and get the hell out.?
Henry VIII?s ratings were tanking thanks to a few marital beheadings. This could have been the fireside chat to end all fireside chats.
Just Henry, alone in front of the fire, poultry turning on the spit, leveling with the English people. ?I know a lot of you have been hearing the Pope saying my latest marriage won?t last. Well let me just say to his holiness, ?You are off your Papal rocker.?
?Things have never been better between me and what?s-her-name. We will stay the course, and I have no exit strategy. If I could exit, maybe I would be able to stay married.
?But not to worry; this is the one. For now, she has a good head on her shoulders.?
Which brings us to one of latest Wars Gone Wild.
When you speak of Iraq, you must bring up Vietnam. We thought we learned a lesson from Vietnam. And we did. The lesson is: Lie about the reasons you to get into war.
And if we can lie our way in, why the hell can?t we lie to get out? Richard Nixon would have been sweating like his buddy Elvis, but he could have firesided our asses out of Vietnam.
My fellow Americans, I said we would be here till the Vietnamese people could protect themselves. Now, after 50,000 of our soldiers have been killed, and we are fleeing faster than Betty Ford at last call. Now is the time to unveil my secret plan for victory in Vietnam. Unfortunately it is so secret, they have yet to tell me.
Some day they will thank us for all the good we did. Thanks to our Napalm, they now have a new highway system. Vietnam will soon be turning the underground tunnel system into a sewer system. And thanks to our GIs, more women than ever are working the streets of loving us long time for five dollars.
So my fellow Americans, John Kerry asked who will be the last to die for a lie. Well, I can now say we know: It will be whoever wrote this speech.
And finally, World War II, the Sequel.
Tonight we?ll we be interrupting Fear Factor featuring Hermann Goering to bring you Adolf Hitler in, ?Heil To The Chief.?
?Thank you. Now shut up before you are shot. It is good to be here in this room where you are forced to listen to every word I say. Sorry for the dirty fireplace; we had a book burning today in the bunker. Some of you without heat may want to try that. Sorry all our energy companies are busy rebuilding all the crap we blew up.
?The state of the Fatherland on today is booming. In fact, if you listen you can hear the cannons booming right down the street. Thanks to my global war on everything, we are fighting the enemy here, instead of having to go to America.
?And just think how great things are in Poland. We have brought them freedom. They are now free to do everything we say, and are learning the joys of slave labor. No more working eight hours and coming home to a house you can?t afford. We put them to work for 20 hours and they don?t even need a house.
?There are some that don?t like to be occupied. OK, no problem, then we?ll shoot you. Problem solved.
?A lot of you, well, the three or four dissidents we haven?t gassed, are wondering why we are losing about a thousand soldiers a day. Simple. The more we lose, the more it proves we are winning. Our enemies are so desperate, they think that by killing our soldiers and marching down our streets will bring them victory.
?Dumbkopfs, all I have to do is say we are winning, and voila, we are. That?s why they call me a dictator
?But that is also the bitch. Who the hell am I going to blame this mess on? So today I announce an opposition party. We will call them the Traitor Party. Funerals will be held Thursday.?
So, Goodnight, Freedom Fighters. Remember, when they beat down your door and take you away, you are dying for a noble cause. And them minute I figure out what it is, I will get back to you.
Submitter: Rob Kall
Submitters Bio:
Rob Kall is an award winning journalist, inventor, software architect,
connector and visionary. His work and his writing have been featured in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, CNN, ABC, the HuffingtonPost, Success, Discover and other media.
He's given talks and workshops to Fortune
500 execs and national medical and psychological organizations, and pioneered
first-of-their-kind conferences in Positive Psychology, Brain Science and
Story. He hosts some of the world's smartest, most interesting and powerful
people on his Bottom Up Radio Show,
and founded and publishes one of the top Google- ranked progressive news and
opinion sites, OpEdNews.com
more detailed bio:
Rob Kall has spent his adult life as an awakener and empowerer-- first in the field of biofeedback, inventing products, developing software and a music recording label, MuPsych, within the company he founded in 1978-- Futurehealth, and founding, organizing and running 3 conferences: Winter Brain, on Neurofeedback and consciousness, Optimal Functioning and Positive Psychology (a pioneer in the field of Positive Psychology, first presenting workshops on it in 1985) and Storycon Summit Meeting on the Art Science and Application of Story-- each the first of their kind. Then, when he found the process of raising people's consciousness and empowering them to take more control of their lives one person at a time was too slow, he founded Opednews.com-- which has been the top search result on Google for the terms liberal news and progressive opinion for several years. Rob began his Bottom-up Radio show, broadcast on WNJC 1360 AM to Metro Philly, also available on iTunes, covering the transition of our culture, business and world from predominantly Top-down (hierarchical, centralized, authoritarian, patriarchal, big) to bottom-up (egalitarian, local, interdependent, grassroots, archetypal feminine and small.) Recent long-term projects include a book, Bottom-up-- The Connection Revolution, debillionairizing the planet and the Psychopathy Defense and Optimization Project.
To watch Rob having a lively conversation with John Conyers, then Chair of the House Judiciary committee, click here. Watch Rob speaking on Bottom up economics at the Occupy G8 Economic Summit, here.