Screw or screw over: Republicans just don't know what to do with gays. So they do both. Add senior United States Senator Larry Craig from Idaho to the rooster of gay-bashing Republicans busted for illegal homosexual activity.
Like conservative evangelist Ted Haggard, Craig is not sure if stoning gays means beating them down or getting them high for a romp in the bathroom stalls.
That's where Senator Craig was arrested on June 11, in a busy bathroom in Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, trying to play footsies with an undercover cop.
Craig has been dodging rumors of being gay for at least 25 years, while all the time championing traditional values. Back in 1982 Craig had to deny reports that he had been getting high on cocaine and screwing male Congressional staffers. In 2006, Craig called allegations that he was gay "completely ridiculous." In 2007, he responded to similar allegations by saying that "I don't go around anywhere hitting on men, and by God, if I did, I wouldn't do it in Boise, Idaho!"
Which is what fellow Republican gay-basher Fla. Rep. Bob Allen is also claiming. The "Wicked Witch," as Allen was dubbed by the Florida-based Rainbow Democratic Club for his staunch anti-gay politics, was busted for offering an undercover cop $20 to let Allen fellate him in a park bathroom.
Titusville, Florida police said they saw a "disheveled, unshaven man" go in and out of the park bathroom three times. So they decided to send in a black undercover cop who went into a stall and Allen peeked twice over the closed door before propositioning the cop with a twenty. Gay-bashing Allen's defense?
Forget macho Republican bravado. Let's talk about your basic drop-to-your-knees appeasement. Thank goodness Allen didn't encounter the Taliban or else Allen might still be setting the world's record for the longest train ever pulled.
Besides blaming it all on misunderstanding, Allen and Craig also both tried playing their get-out-of-jail-for-free cards. Allen asked "it would help" that he was a state legislator. Craig pulled out his Senate business card and asked if that made a difference. It didn't in either case. Must be a liberal conspiracy.